451. Seconds chances and friendship

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Wow. Been awhile since my last update in here. The holidays truly got the best of me. I'll get back into gear with things here in 2007, which isn't that far off now is it? This year seems to have gone by so fast. So much has changed in my life. Good changes that I didn't think were so good at the time. I lost friends, and I gained new ones. It's kind of weird how you meet people. They can come into your life at the strangest times, and then they just seem to stick. I'm not the best person at making friendships. I'm quiet. I stay to myself. I'm the kind of girl that likes to lurk among the shadows and just live my days to myself. Perhaps it is the writer in me that is that way. I see changes in my own friendships. I've walked away from some, and others have walked away from me. Sometimes it hurts, but more often than not it is supposed to end up that way. It is better in the long run for both parties.

I've seen friendships around me end and start. I've seen second chances once too many. Sometimes friendships are supposed to end. Sometimes there is just too much. Yet, the last thing you want to do is deny someone friendship, but I sometimes don't get how people can keep giving someone chance after chance. Sometimes things aren't meant to work out. You live your life, but sometimes I just want to take those around me and shake them a little. Maybe it is because I just don't want to see them hurt. I'm protective of those around me. I'd do just about anything for my friends if I'm able to do it. All they have to do is ask, and sometimes they don't even have to ask because I'll just end up knowing something isn't right. I have a good sixth sense like that. No matter what my friends do with their own lives I will support them. I won't control what they do.

I'll still be there, even if I'm sitting here wanting to pull them back and lock them in a room until they get whatever crazy idea they have in their heads out of it. It's like some people might actually like having people around them that have proven themselves untrustworthy. You just have to cross your fingers and hope it doesn't happen again. That's all you can do because the last thing you want to see is someone you care about hurt. I'm not all that good at letting people in again and again. Some say I walk away too easily and I just shut the person out. I move on so quickly sometimes because sitting here and thinking about over and over just makes me upset. I've been told I can be one of the coldest people at times, and at others I've been called one of the sweetness and nicest. I guess it depends on the person and the friendship involved. When I walk away, I usually stay gone. Their have been exceptions, but those have been few. I have had the same real life friends since I was in 1st and 7th grade. We don't talk much now, but I still care about them. My best friend since junior high just called a week or two ago to tell me she gave birth to her first son as I mentioned here the night she called.

You can also have the opposite which can happen. Two people that have no real rhyme or reason to why their friendships ended. Things just drifted apart. There was no argument. No fight to put some big end. At one time the two were so close that you thought the friendship would never end. It did though, and both are left to wonder why. They each think the other hates him, and it couldn't be further from the truth. I saw this happen just recently. I'm calling it my own Christmas miracle. Two friends. Both my best friends. I met one through the other, and they hadn't spoken in what could be close to two years now. Maybe longer. I'm not sure. I played matchmaker and brought the two of them back together on Christmas Eve. I usually don't do that because it could sometimes end up badly, but this time I have a good feeling these two will be okay. They were too close at one point to not be okay. Just seeing them talking again made me happy. Sometimes it is the little things like that happening that make things good in life, even if only in that moment.

I hope all you had a wonderful Christmas for those that celebrate it. If I'm not back before the end of the year, Happy New Year as well.