I've returned here once again. I keep meaning to, but life just seems to hate me this year. The past few months have been especially difficult. I've reached burnt out phase. I started this blog two and a half years ago, and in that time I've met a lot of people. I've lost some people. I've met some I wished I hadn't. The week I started this blog, I had a brand new kitten. An adorable little guy I named JJ. He was the sweetest most adorable animal I had ever seen.
Yes, I said was. JJ died a couple of weeks ago. He got sick and two days later he left us. I sat by his side with my brother and my younger cat and we watched him go. We took him to be looked at, and they said he had a bad heart and he had an artery burst. There was nothing no one could have done to save him that wouldn't lessen his quality of life considerably.
I've watched death before. It is something I don't like to see. I watched my mom die twelve years ago. JJ was a sweet little guy. He had never done anyone any wrong. I know he is in a better place now, but I miss him. JJ had become my best friend after my other cat ran off a year and a half ago. He would spend his days with me. The first night after he passed the house was so quiet. He was one of those talkers. He'd walk around meowing all the time. I miss that.
Mikey is taking it well, but we can tell he is still wondering where his buddy went. We might get another kitten, but we're waiting another month or two yet. Losing JJ was probably the most difficult event of the last couple of months. Finances and car troubles are piling up on us here too. Life just needs to stop being so difficult. I know it isn't supposed to be easy, but where does it say it needs to be this hard? The irony of this situation right now? Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. just came on my playlist. Now how is that for irony?
Everybody Hurts
Back To Basics
Those are the words that keep flashing through my head the last couple of days. I had changed in the past eight months. I made new friends. Changed my style of living here on the Internet, but in the end here I am just as I started before that time - on my own and happy. I tried to lean on others for my happiness, but all I really need to be happy is myself, my writing and those few here, online and off, that I call family. It always seems to come down to those same few people. As of now, I'm going back to basics. I'm going back to writing for me, and not for anyone else. I let myself get distracted. Never again.
Saturday Check-in
Been feeling under the weather the last few days, so I've been missing in action. I'm not disappearing again. Just had some things that came up. First, being sick, and the second dealing with some issue on line. It's kind of weird how you meet people here on the Internet. Sometimes you meet some really odd people. Sometimes even on the bit unstable side. I've had one such instance this past week, and it was a bit draining. I'm hoping it is settled now. I have my fingers crossed anyway.
Last night, I had my computer give me some problems. My monitor actually. It wouldn't turn on. then out of nowhere five minutes later it would turn on by itself. Then unplugged the power strip from the wall, plugged it back and now its fine. I went out and bought a brand new power strip today, and even picked up a new set of speakers. I'm keeping an eye on the monitor though in case it is breaking down. I still have a warranty through December, so it would be a matter of taking it in and having Best Buy replace it.
When it comes to computer, you don't realize how much you depend on them until they break down. A monitor is easy to fix, but what if your hard drive goes out? Even worse, what if you need to wipe your hard drive? There is a chance you'd lose all the information stored on your drive. I've had it happen to me before, more than once actually. It isn't a fun thing to have happen. Luckily, there are many ways to back-up your data. There is both sources online and offline these days. I found one such site online to help back up your computer data just a few days ago, Online data backup, secure and reliable. You really never know when the worst might happen. I'm glad it is only my monitor giving me a bit of a headache at the moment.
Saturday Ramblings
Posting three days in a row. I'm really trying to get back into this thing. I normally take Sundays off, so I might do that tomorrow. I've been following the news lately about the pet food recall. As a pet owner, it has concerned me. I don't feed my cats wet food, but I know of a few friends with cats that have fallen ill. When it came out yesterday that it was rat poison, I was angered by it. How could someone intentionally hurt animals like that? There really are some sick people in this world. It's sad and scary all at the same time. Really it is. Thing is there is no way to know about it happening until it happens. There was no way to know that the food was poisoned.
The other day I bought a poster on E bay. I've been to a few poster sites on line cause I like posters. I put new ones up regularly. I know one time I checked out this one site, and I found a coupon for a nice chunk off. I checked out a newly relaunched coupon site just yesterday to see if they had anything for the seller on e-bay, but no such luck this time. Maybe next time. It's still a great site to check out though. I'm always looking for a good deal.
Yesterday and this morning I took another look at the submission calls over at ERWA. My muses are tingling, but nothing yet. I lost one of my creative writing outlets I've had for the last eight months when I lost my writing partner. It was a sad day for me. Life just had other plans though. Maybe I can put that creative energy into something else. Have a great day everyone.
453. Silence
I don't feel like I'm really writing anymore. The writing I am doing right now isn't the writing I've always loved doing, and the writing I've wanted to make my life's work. I'm still writing though, and that should at least be something. It's a good thing anyway. I'm enjoying what I'm doing. I'm having fun, but it still isn't the same. I was looking at submission calls yesterday over on the ERWA site, and a few caught my eye, but deadlines are so soon. My muses are not cooperative when it comes to sitting down and writing something creative. I don't even write in here anymore, and I'm really going to work on changing that. Even if it a short entry.
Shocking as it may sound I don't even watch as much television as I used to. Shows build up on my DVR to watch later, and some series I've stopped watching altogether. I tell myself I'll download the episodes and watch them over summer, and I'll probably do that with one or two shows. The end of The O.C. got to me, even though I didn't watch the last six or so episodes. I did watch the last one, and I really liked how they did the ending. We know what happened to everyone in the end, and it left you wondering might happen next. They even left it open ended for some kind of spin off, but I doubt that would happen. Anything is possible.
I still watch my regular shows. Grey's Anatomy and Lost still have me hooked. I'm already tuning in to this season of Dancing With The Stars, and I'm firmly supporting Ian Ziering and Joey Fatone. Both did well this week, but it is way early to tell what will happen. I'm not tuning in this year to American Idol though. I just had no interest. Brothers and Sisters and Ugly Betty hooked me this season from early on in their seasons. Both are great shows, and I'm glad to see all of the above mentioned shows picked up already for next season by ABC.
There are some movies I'm really anxiously awaiting their releases too. Some coming out this summer including Lucky You, Fantastic Four 2, and Transformers. I've been waiting on those three for awhile now. I want to catch Music & Lyrics too, but we'll have to see about that. I really want to get back into my writing though. My muses are just silent.
452. Don't call this a comeback
It's been awhile. A long while. I won't make excuses for my long silence, and I doubt anyone that usually read this blog is still out there reading. If you are, give a shout out. I haven't updated since the day after Christmas. The last few months haven't been all that easy, and there were times I felt like I was drowning. The first few months of the years are always rough for me, and this year just hit me harder than most. The fact is it just kept hitting, and every time I picked myself up and dusted myself off I felt like something else was kicking me down. The last few days I finally feel that I've found my way to the end of a deep dark tunnel and there is some light at the end of it. For a bit there, I didn't think I would.
Things were just quite insane. I felt a bit insane. I turned thirty-one back in January, but I don't feel like I'm thirty-one. There are times I feel like I'm five. Times where I feel like I'm eighteen again, and then there are times when I feel like I'm eighty. I'm sure we have all had those moments where we feel like that. The other night I received an email from someone wanting to buy this blog from me because it had a history to it. I'm not sure if it was some joke or if the person was serious, but for the past two years this blog has been my life. I've poured so much of my heart, my time, my words and my experiences into it. This blog is me, and I could never sell it. Why would I want to?
It made me miss this blog though. I've come back here so many times over the last couple of months, and I had no idea what to even say. Words escaped me. For someone like myself that loves words, that was a bit hard to take. My words have even been slower to come the last couple of months, and there have been times I've considered giving up writing. Not altogether, but pretty close. My fiction is non-existent. I'm out of work again freelance wise. I've had some kicks in the writing department the last month or two that really set me into a tailspin.
I'm not saying right now this blog is entirely back, but I'm going to try. I miss it. I miss sharing things with all of you. I just didn't have much to share, and the things I did have to share weren't really all that positive. I hope you're all well out there.
451. Seconds chances and friendship
Wow. Been awhile since my last update in here. The holidays truly got the best of me. I'll get back into gear with things here in 2007, which isn't that far off now is it? This year seems to have gone by so fast. So much has changed in my life. Good changes that I didn't think were so good at the time. I lost friends, and I gained new ones. It's kind of weird how you meet people. They can come into your life at the strangest times, and then they just seem to stick. I'm not the best person at making friendships. I'm quiet. I stay to myself. I'm the kind of girl that likes to lurk among the shadows and just live my days to myself. Perhaps it is the writer in me that is that way. I see changes in my own friendships. I've walked away from some, and others have walked away from me. Sometimes it hurts, but more often than not it is supposed to end up that way. It is better in the long run for both parties.
I've seen friendships around me end and start. I've seen second chances once too many. Sometimes friendships are supposed to end. Sometimes there is just too much. Yet, the last thing you want to do is deny someone friendship, but I sometimes don't get how people can keep giving someone chance after chance. Sometimes things aren't meant to work out. You live your life, but sometimes I just want to take those around me and shake them a little. Maybe it is because I just don't want to see them hurt. I'm protective of those around me. I'd do just about anything for my friends if I'm able to do it. All they have to do is ask, and sometimes they don't even have to ask because I'll just end up knowing something isn't right. I have a good sixth sense like that. No matter what my friends do with their own lives I will support them. I won't control what they do.
I'll still be there, even if I'm sitting here wanting to pull them back and lock them in a room until they get whatever crazy idea they have in their heads out of it. It's like some people might actually like having people around them that have proven themselves untrustworthy. You just have to cross your fingers and hope it doesn't happen again. That's all you can do because the last thing you want to see is someone you care about hurt. I'm not all that good at letting people in again and again. Some say I walk away too easily and I just shut the person out. I move on so quickly sometimes because sitting here and thinking about over and over just makes me upset. I've been told I can be one of the coldest people at times, and at others I've been called one of the sweetness and nicest. I guess it depends on the person and the friendship involved. When I walk away, I usually stay gone. Their have been exceptions, but those have been few. I have had the same real life friends since I was in 1st and 7th grade. We don't talk much now, but I still care about them. My best friend since junior high just called a week or two ago to tell me she gave birth to her first son as I mentioned here the night she called.
You can also have the opposite which can happen. Two people that have no real rhyme or reason to why their friendships ended. Things just drifted apart. There was no argument. No fight to put some big end. At one time the two were so close that you thought the friendship would never end. It did though, and both are left to wonder why. They each think the other hates him, and it couldn't be further from the truth. I saw this happen just recently. I'm calling it my own Christmas miracle. Two friends. Both my best friends. I met one through the other, and they hadn't spoken in what could be close to two years now. Maybe longer. I'm not sure. I played matchmaker and brought the two of them back together on Christmas Eve. I usually don't do that because it could sometimes end up badly, but this time I have a good feeling these two will be okay. They were too close at one point to not be okay. Just seeing them talking again made me happy. Sometimes it is the little things like that happening that make things good in life, even if only in that moment.
I hope all you had a wonderful Christmas for those that celebrate it. If I'm not back before the end of the year, Happy New Year as well.
450. Circle of life
I was talking to a friend the other night, and he was telling me how the father of his friend had passed away suddenly back on Friday night. Not even an hour later, my best friend since junior high called me to tell me she had given birth to her first child, a boy. He was a bit early, and there was a few complications. He will be okay though, and he should be out of the NICU in a week or so. He was also born on Friday night around the same time. It made me think of the circle of life. People die and babies are born every day. Souls are brought into this world just as soon as they leave it. It is never ending. You never know which breath will be your last, but you aren't supposed to know really. You're just supposed to live each day like it may be your very last. Laugh as much as you can, cry when you have to and just breathe life in.
A friend of mine had surgery yesterday. Its minor surgery in the grand scheme of things, but even something could happen with the most minor of surgeries. I'm waiting on word from her, and it is made more difficult because this is mostly an online contact. We speak on the phone every day, but she wouldn't have her phone with her. So I'm worried. I know she'll be okay, but it is making me worry nonetheless. It's kind of funny though how one person can sort of help push aside differences when it really matters. Plus, it is the holiday season, and that has a tendency to bring people together as will.
Life is just crazy sometimes. The world keeps spinning. People keep dying. Babies keep getting born into this world. You live your life day to day because you have no other choice. It is your life, and only you can live it. I'm not much into the holiday spirit this year, but I'm not much of a holiday person. I try though because trying is all one really can do. I'm happy for the new life entering this world, sad for the one that left it, and worried for the friend I thought I had lost but I've only begun to know again after two years apart. So many emotions. They are all mixed together to make one big mess called my life.
448. And its December!
It seems every month or so, I take a break from blogging. I don't even mean to. It just ends up happening. I am thinking it happens either when I have nothing I have to say, I have something to say but I don't know how to say it, or I'm just too busy with other aspects of my life to give it the real attention it deserves. I think this recent break is due to a combination of the last two. This time of year always seems to get to me. I haven't been much of a holiday person since my late teens. It is just harder for me to get into the spirit of things, but I do make an attempt to. No matter how small that attempt may end up being, I do try.
This passed weekend was my father's eighty-first birthday. It was a low key kind of day. We really didn't do much of anything, but we really didn't need to. We spent the day with him. My brother and I live with him, so that's what we did. He has other children that live off in California, and only one sent him a birthday card. No calls. No other cards. He's eighty-one, and since we've all lost our mother you think we would know just how quickly he could be gone from us. It bothered me a little. I know relationships aren't exactly the best, but he's dad. He won't be around us forever. It would have been nice for them to show at least a small amount of effort. The one card that was sent didn't even arrive on time. I know I'm not the best daughter, but I'm here when it counts, and I'm the one staying with him to make sure he is okay in whatever amount of years he even has left.
The past couple of weeks have been spent throwing myself into writing in one form or another. I had a bit of an idea bite me for a story, but I got a paragraph in, and the words faded away. I always called myself a fiction writer, but I'm wondering if that is changing. I saw my writing horoscope a few days ago, and it mentioned something about a shift in focus in my writing, and I guess I really have shifted. Any storytelling I am doing is now in my interactive fiction with a few partners I've discovered around. I know I've seen an improvement in my fictional writing in those endeavors, so I'm thinking I stick to it, and I allow my fiction to return if it is going to. I've seen to found some small success with my non-fiction efforts. I'm just having a problem finding one steady position that will allow me the ability to make a living or contribute to that in any case. One never becomes a writer to make a steady income anyway.
I'll be back soon with some thoughts on television lately. December television hiatus is just about on us. I'm saving some shows on my DVR to watch in the weeks ahead, so I'm not bored silly!
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447. Tunes Monday
This week's Tune of the Week is the solo debut of Chris Daughtry simply titled Daughtry. American Idol fans will recognize him from this past season's American Idol competition. He came in fourth place, and I still think he should have won the competition.
This CD just completely and totally rocks from track one through track twelve. I was a fan of Chris' voice on American Idol, and he was just singing covers of Fuel and Bon Jovi. Hearing his own music is completely different. He has a similar style to that of Nickelback if you want an idea of what you're in for if you take a listen.
If you like rock though, this CD is going on my must have list. There are so many songs I love on this CD, but some favorites are Used To, It's Not Over, All These Lives and What about now?. You can check them out on iTunes or if that isn't your deal you can check out the CD on Amazon for Daughtry
446. Keeping boredom at bay
Well I hope all of you are having a wonderful turkey day out there. My bird is in the oven, the potatoes are boiling, and I'm about to get started on the stuffing here in a moment. The stuffing is my responsibility each and every year. I do a pretty good job on it, if I do say so myself and I do!
Other than the usual dinner festivities, things are pretty quiet, and I'm looking for things to do. My friend and I play a lot of online games together, and this is a gaming site I just stumbled upon on not too long ago. You can play some of you favorite free games online. This site focuses mostly on the old games you could play on your Nintendo Entertainment Systems.
I had one of those myself back in the day, and I loved it. I haven't jumped onto the bandwagon with X-box or Playstation because I don't play as many games as I used to. Give me a good board game or some classic play like this, and I am good to go. I just played a round of Ms. Pac Man, and I had fun. Better than sitting around being bored!
444. Confessions
I just finished watching the Madonna Confessions concert on NBC, and it was amazing. It really made me wish I had gone to the show in person over the summer.
I've been a fan of Madonna's since her first album came out back in 1984, and I still love her just as much today. She's a woman that constantly reinvents herself, and she knows how to put on a good show.
I was glad to see some of my favorites performed including Live to Tell and La Isla Bonita. The concert also introduced me to some of the songs on her new CD, which I have, but hadn't heard much of. Hearing a song performed live, even if it is via television, just gives you a completely different feeling to the music. Some of my new favorites are Let It Will Be and Like It Or Not. I hadn't planned to watch tonight, but I'm really glad I did.
In other news, I have a whole new Blog of the Week today, just in time for the holiday tomorrow. This week we have Doctor Mom from You've Got 2 B Kidding. A great funny blog that is definitely worth checking out!
443. Tunes Monday!
Back with Tunes Monday! This week's tune of the week that has me dancing around my house is the latest release from country act, Sugarland. Enjoy the Ride is their sophomore release that came out on November 7th. I first learned of this group when they performed on CMT's Crossroads series with Bon Jovi last September. Sugarland's lead singer, Jennifer Nettles, even performed on a release of Bon Jovi's, Who Says You Can't Go Home, that has done quite well on the country charts.
For this second CD for the group, some changes have been made. One of the singers and songwriters has left the group. Such a major change might actually hurt a group, especially one that is only a couple of years old such as this one, but this CD shows no signs of that change. It is definitely a country feeling album, but it is close enough pop wise for those fans to enjoy it as well. The first single off the CD is Want To, and I enjoyed the song immediately upon first hearing it. The video for it works well too.
There are really so many great songs on the CD though. I've had it in my CD player almost non-stop since I picked it up on the 7th. It is great music that just makes you want to get up, dance and sing right along. Jennifer Nettles has a strong voice that is just amazing to listen to. Sugarland is quickly becoming one of my favorites, and I definitely thank Bon Jovi, who we all know from reading this blog, is one of my favorite groups to listen to. Some other song recommendations from the album include: These Are The Days and Everyday America.
442. Daybreak Thoughts
Last night, I began to watch the newest ABC series, Daybreak. I didn't finish the two hour episode last night, and that might give you an idea of what I think of the new show. For some reason, it just didn't hold my complete interest. It had its moments, but they didn't make for an enjoyable experience over all. For those that missed the series, it is the story of Brett Hopper as he lives the same day over and over again. Some events are the same, but once he realizes what is happening to him, he begins to try and change those events from ever happening. The day begins with him being framed for the murder of an Assistant District Attorney. His girlfriend is also killed, and preventing this becomes a focus for Hopper. All this while he tries to live on to the next day. The premise of the series is different and it had promise for me. I'm just not sure this series will be able to keep things exciting over the long haul, which is eleven weeks. ABC has made it clear this series will only last thirteen episodes. The premiere was two episodes, so we have eleven left to go. Once this series is done, Lost makes its return. Now that is something I will be waiting for! All in all, I'll watch Daybreak again next week, but we'll have to see what happens passed that.
440. Getting noticed
In the past I've discussed a lot about getting your website or blog seen. That is what we all want when we create a website or blog. There are many ways to get your site noticed once it is out there. The important thing is to get it seen. The more traffic that comes to your blog or site, the more likely it will be seen. Google plays a large part in getting your site too. Link popularity and page rank are important, but their importance is changing these days too. An established blog will get higher ranked than one that is newer. With more and more blogs and websites out there, the chances of getting your site seen only increase. This is something I wonder about sometimes because when I started this blog, I wanted to share my thoughts with others. I never thought it would lost, but I am passed the four hundred entry mark with no sign of stopping. That really amazes me. I know I may sometimes go days at a time without writing in here, but those times don't happen as much. Sometimes I just don't know what to say, but I know when I do have something to say this blog is here waiting.