85. Just a little bit of everything ...

Thursday, June 30, 2005

The past couple of days I've been feeling just a bit off health wise. I'm trying to not let get me down, so I've been keeping up my writing somewhat. I've kept up with my nonfiction, but I didn't get to work on Crash into me last night like I wanted to do. I'd seen that MSN was looking for editors to manage their blogs in certain topic areas, so I threw a proposal together and sent that off last night. After doing that, I felt extremely drained. I already heard back this morning, and it seems the position for the blog I applied had been filled already, but they will keep in mind if it reopens. Between that and writing my weekly review for Dancing with the stars, I just didn't feel like writing anymore. I ended up reading some more of On Writing, and I finished the biography half last night. Now its on to the Toolbox section.

Speaking of Dancing with the stars, I don't know if anyone else has been watching, but I've been watching since the beginning, and I'll be sad to see the show end next week. I was also sad to see Joe McIntyre go home last night. I just adored him and his partner. Now, I'm rooting for John O'hurley and his partner Charlotte Jorgensen. They are the best of the two couples remaining. I can't wait to see what happens on next week's grand finale.

Today in her blog Beth posted this link to a site that gives you all these details based upon your birth date. I entered in mine, and this is what it said in regards to my personality based on my having that birth date:

Pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, tends to a know-all-attitude and making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.

I have to say it was fairly accurate on describing me, both the negative and the positive. I always get a bit freaked out when things like that are accurate. Same with horoscopes. I get mine sent to me from a few different sites in my email everyday. Always good to have multiple opinions in my book.

This month I joined in on two message board based writing challenges. One over at Evolution and one over at Word trip. I usually hit those two boards, Divas, and ERWF on a daily basis. I've joined others, but those are the four I feel the most at home at. I actually surpassed the word counts I had challenged myself to this month, and I'm trying to figure out what to do for July's challenge. I think I'm going to raise the bar a little for myself, but I'm just not sure how high.I'll figure that out later tonight. I also need to work on Crash into me tonight. Since there is nothing on that I review, I should be able to make some time once the house gets quiet for the night.

Have a happy Thursday everyone!

84. Can't you see I'm busy?!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Mood: busy

Music: Poster Girl - Backstreet Boys

Busy day already, and the day has just begun. I actually headed in early to bed last night too. I wasn't feeling my absolute best, so I decided laying down and trying to sleep would be the best way to handle that. Then I woke up sick around 6am. I'm feeling fine now, but at 6am I wasn't.The good news though is I wrote some last night. Not a lot, but more than I had written in one sitting all week in Crash into me. Once again Daniel is taking control of the situation. When in my head, Kaelin was supposed to be the more dominant one. Characters can surprise you sometimes. Last night, I also wrote a short wrap-up on MTV's Real World episode that aired last night. I don't know if you can tell by now, but I'm a small reality tv nut. I don't watch the Survivors or Big Brother's, but Real World, Dancing with the Stars, those shows that follow celebrity families or couples? I'm all over those. I'm looking forward to when VH1 starts to air the Hulk Hogan show. Surreal life is also another favorite.

In my blog hopping this morning, I found a link to this in Brenda's blog.

Very few people who don't write for a living understand that writing is work, much less that a writer who is sitting in a chair, reading a book or staring absently into the distance, may be as “busy” as one who is clicking away at his computer.

How true this is. Terry then goes on to talk about how her mother was interrupting her. Brenda also talked about being interrupted by family members. We all have had it happen. You're in the middle of thinking and someone comes up wanting to talk about something. Sometimes your fingers are actually tapping away at the keys, and someone comes up and interrupts. You sigh inwards in frustration, and you try to explain you're busy working, and they don't get it because to them you're just sitting there. You're not all that busy because to most people writing isn't that hard of a job. You sit down. You write. You send it off. You get it published. You make millions of dollars.

If only it were that easy? Some writer's never make millions of dollars. In fact, most don't. Some make enough to live off of, put a roof over their heads and some food in the fridge. Most barely make enough to pay one bill. You start at the bottom and you work your way up the ladder. Just like with any other job. Yesterday, I was talking to my brother, and he said, "You don't make much from your writing do you?" I just stared at him, and I didn't even respond. Because no I really don't, but in time I will. Don't we all hate the "How much do you make question?"

My own family doesn't know the meaning of I'm working or I have to work. If I'm reading, I'm working. If I'm typing away furiously at my screen, I'm working. If I'm sitting here, staring off into outer space good chance I'm not thinking about what I ate for dinner last night, but thinking of what my characters are doing or what I want them to do. That's usually why I write late at night. No interruptions, unless it is the cat asking for attention, but he is just cute enough to get away with it. Some nights he has started this habit of sitting right on my desk and watching the words appear on the screen as I type. One night, I stopped typing to grab something to drink, and I came back to the room to see him sitting on my desk in front of the monitor as if he were reading over what I had just wrote.

People don't get it that writing is one of those jobs is not nine to five. I told a friend of mine the other night, a writer doesn't have weekends. A writer is always working. And its true. Very true. You write when the mood strikes, or you write when you know you have to or else. Writing isn't easy, and the people around you might think you're not doing anything important, but you are. They just don't see it.

83. WIP thoughts and playing what if

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Mood: thinking

Music: Green Day - Jesus of Suburbia

Earlier as I was sitting here at my desk, I think I finally figured out why Crash into me has come to such a halt writing wise. I've been on the same page for about a week now, and it is getting really frustrating. Insert a banging head against the wall smilie here. I think I figured out why, so maybe that will help me move on. I'm hoping so anyway. When I began the story, it wasn't supposed to turn into this long story. I was writing it with the intention of submitting it to an anthology I'd heard about that was looking for gay male alien erotica. So in my head, it was hot male alien meets hot gay human on Earth and they have sex. I never really went any further than that in my mind.

I knew early on that the story was turning into more than that, and I was willing to just allow the characters lead me where they wanted. Well, they have stopped leading me. I've reached the point where I think Daniel and Kaelin are going to have sex. About 4,000 words in, and it will happen unless one or the other decides to throw another curve ball at me. It could happen. Daniel seems to like throwing curves. I had no idea he could read Kaelin's thoughts until he informed me of that fact out of nowhere. Going back and re-reading the story, I kind of saw a bit of foreshadowing for that little tidbit, and I thought that was really cool.

I just don't know what happens next. I've played with some ideas in my head. I just don't know which way to go, if they do have sex now that is. I think that is why I've come to this halt. The story is set in the future, and Kaelin has come on mission to Earth to find a new home for the inhabitants of his home world because their planet is on its way to certain destruction. One of the ideas, I'm playing with is he discovers that Earth isn't that place, and since it isn't he has to leave to find another place. This would mean leaving this man he has just found. Which is the huge black moment. Would Daniel go off planet hopping with this man he just met or is that totally unrealistic? That is where my problem lies! I'll have to give it more thought.

Last night, I was going through my old movies on tape. Trying to find something to watch. Since I have a good working VCR again, I wanted to watch some of my old favorites. I found this one movie that is nearly twenty years old, and is so cheesy and a movie slotted under the B movie category. It's called The Wraith, and it stars Sherilynn Fenn and Charlie Sheen. A brief sypnosis of the film. A guy loves a girl, but some crazy guy in town is obsessed with said girl, and ends up killing the good guy. So the good guy comes back and kills the bad guy and each member of his gang one by one. I know I'm even shaking my head right now because it is so cheesy. In the end, the good guy ends up with his girl, and all is well.

As bad as the plot as this sounds, I love the movie. It is one of those movies that I can watch and recite the dialogue. I can skip ahead to any part and know the story. Well, for the longest time, whenever I watched this movie, I seem to be playing what if. What if this happened instead? Just playing around with the different plot points in my head. I think I had something come to me last night thought that might turn out really cool if I ever decide to follow through with it.

I don't think it is the lack of ideas that is my problem. I think it is actually sitting down and following those ideas through to completion. That might be my problem. Shorter works seem to be easier. Longer works seem to just come to a halt to quickly. I'm working on that. I really Crash into me and my other halted story, Lonely Street, too. I'm off to ponder some more.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

82. Random Monday Ramblings

Monday, June 27, 2005

You really don't know how much the heat can drain you until you actually go out into it. I tried going out and doing the daily walk thing, as I mentioned in my blog a couple of weeks back, but with this heat it is next to impossible. Five minutes in it, and you're waiting to be back inside. Today, I went VCR shopping. I didn't end up getting one because the one I went for was sold out. The salesman offered the floor model if I was interested. I was not. The sales man then nicely pointed out that he'd had problems with that model anyway, so he suggested the one on shelf below. I glanced down, and saw it was about twenty dollars more than the one I came in for, and I knew I could get one for about ten dollars cheaper at another store. So I left.

I know it is only twenty dollars, but it is still twenty dollars out of my budget at the moment. My VCR died about a month ago, and since I'm doing television reviews, a VCR would be nice to have. The only other one in the house is in the other room, and I knew I could just as easily taken out of that room and moved into mine, but I didn't want to. Well, I had to today. At least I have one that works until I can find another one in my budget. I want one of those new DVD/VCR combination deals. In order to move the good VCR to my room, I had to fight with the wires for an hour. After a lot of maneuvering and some loud cursing on my part, the VCR is in, and I can use this for awhile in any case.

I turned in my column on Queer as Folk's episode last night, and I have to say I really enjoyed this episode. The paste few episodes have left me a little cold. I know the show is capable of better, and I know my column reflected that. I felt more like a critic than a reviewer, and I know there is a fine line between the two usually. It's sent in now, and now I just have to wait for it to go up. Well, wait, my column is already up. I just checked! If you want to read about what I thought of last night's Queer as Folk episode, go on over to here.

As for my fiction writing, it seems to be like pulling teeth right now to come out, and I have no idea why. At first the characters were just being so cooperative and working for me. now it seems like they are just standing there, and no matter how many times I poke them with this stick I have around for just that purpose, they don't seem to want cooperate. I'm hoping this is just a result of the heat, my headaches, and that's it. I was really enjoying playing with Kaelin and Daniel.

Over the weekend, I'd been following this discussion about the Book Saddam Hussein had written. Apparently from what I've read this isn't his first book. This last one of four he has published finished just before things got bad in Iraq. I'm not sure exactly what I think of the man writing books. He's written and sold, and even the problems he is having getting his last one published, it is still perplexing to me. I'm not even going to comment on the politics or any of that. I guess I'm more interested if anyone else had heard about and what they thought more than anything. I also heard that the Supreme Court passes a ruling against one of the file sharing services, and that is interesting to me as well, but I need to read more on what the exactly the ruling stated before I discuss it.

Anyway, I'm off to cool off. I just finish fighting the wires tangled in the back of my television set, and I'm hot and oddly drained. Must be the heat like I said. At least the air conditioning was finally fixed. Only took them til 11pm.

81. The heat wave didn't need any help ...

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Mood: hot

Music: Tom Petty

Technically, it isn't a heat wave, but a way of life for those that live in Arizona. It's hot here in the summers. The first summer I moved out here it hit 125. Yes, you read that right. 125. I think its hit that temp two summers I've been out here.Well, its not that today. Luckily. It hasn't even hit a 100 yet, and I'm really thanking God for that one. Why you ask? Well, yesterday the air in my apartment wasn't working up to par. I thought it was just because it was 110 out, and turned my fan on. Ignored it.

Today? The air in my building is out. Completely and totally. Since our air and hot water are somehow related, this also means we have no hot water. So taking a shower to cool off isn't going to happen because I don't find a cold shower all that appealing. When I'm too hot, I get headaches. so I had this killer one that came on around 10pm last night. There I was trying to keep cool and trying to stop my head from totally pounding.

This means I didn't get much done last night writing wise. I did post my review of the first episode of the new season of Real World over on blogcritics last night. Tonight is Queer as Folk night, so I'll have to watch and review that as well. Speaking of Queer as Folk, my review was posted a bit late this week, and I noticed it was up finally yesterday. Looks to have been posted Thursdayish I think? If you want to catch up on last week's review before tonight's episode hop on over to here.

Even though I didn't get much done, I did work on Crash into me some. Then I got distracted, but I left the boys off where they were just about to have their first kiss, and who knows what else. I'm not sure if it'll happen and they'll go all the way, which in my mind is making me laugh to myself, because it sounds so high school. I guess I'll have to try and buckle down and get them to that kiss and beyond to what happens next at some point today.

In my blog hopping today, I found a post over on Monica's blog discussing the RWR survey, and I think she put it best really when she said:

A romantic relationship is between human beings. Any human beings on the planet can fall in love.

Within the pages of fiction, romance is only limited by your imagination. To try and define who’s capable of romance within fiction is outrageous.

I totally agree with the above, and the more and more read about the survey and the RWA definition of romance, the more heated I seem to be getting. I know I'm not going to let any definition stop me from writing what I want to write because I know there are people out there that do love to read gay romance. I guess it just seems that some people are stuck in the past. Times are changing. Things that weren't popular years ago, now are becoming popular. It just makes me shake my head, and wish it didn't feel like some were trying to fight the change that is happening.

On my agenda for today, I am going to try and keep cool, watch and write my review for Queer as Folk tonight, try to find Kaelin and Daniel again, and my one writing partner IM'ed to ask if we wanted to try to get this huge scene out tonight that we've been planning the last month. Sometimes my role play seems to get me going and inspires me when it comes to my fiction, so I'm hoping that happens. Right now, I'm hotter than hell, so I'm going to end this here.

Happy Sunday everyone. I hope you're all cooler than me.

80. Being the nice girl

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Mood: okay

Music: Tom Petty - Learning to fly

Today over on RTB, Beth is talking about nice girls, and it was kind of odd because it sort of went along with my thoughts today for my blog entry. Freaky, but yes I'm a nice girl. I've always been the nice girl, but in my mind nice girls have always finished last and not first. I know that isn't true, but in my mind I guess I'm more pessimistic than optimistic. That is something I'm trying to change because I know it is better to see the glass half full instead of half empty.

Do you ever feel like you're two people or at the very least two different personalities? Sometimes I do. One side of me is loud and giggly and says pretty much whatever she wants when she wants. The other side is quiet and all thinky. On one hand, I can be the biggest fan girl you'd ever meet. Things like Star Wars, the music and actors I love can make me ramble for hours upon hours. I have my favorites, and I have no problem discussing them til the cows come home some days. Very few people in my life can say they've seen both sides of me because I usually don't let people see both sides.

Sometimes in the past few months, I've wished I wasn't so nice. Do not ask me why because I'm sitting here trying to figure out the answer to that very question myself at the moment. I guess in the last two months or so, I've been looking a lot at my life. For almost two years, I didn't write a single thing. I had the worst writer's block you can imagine, but sometimes I wonder if I was just needing to get my head on straight. Back in November, I tried writing again, and the process was slow. It has been slow, but I'm seeing more positive results from my work. I'm not making a million dollars, but I'm working on it, and I'm moving forward.

Back to the not being so nice thing though. No matter what I seem to do, I'm always the nice girl. Everyone tells me that, and even when I want to yell and scream and curse out someone, I don't do it usually. If I do, I immediately feel bad for doing so. I guess I'm just the nice girl, and I should stop trying to change that. I'm nearly 30 years old, I'm not going to change who I am now I don't think.

When it comes to my romance, I even seem to write nice people. People you want to cheer on. In my gay romance, I even usually have one quiet shy male. I guess that would make him the Beta male. I've tried writing a strong female, and she just went to thinky on me too. I started this story a month or so ago with a strong executive female, and she just went on for pages and pages thinking in her head. I put that story aside for now. Although I think it would have gone somewhere. Maybe it just wasn't the right time to tell that certain story. I'm sure it will be someday.

In other news, has anyone seen Kaelin and Daniel? I think they ran off on me. I'm hoping to find them today.

Happy Saturday, everyone

79. Defining romance and chat rooms

Friday, June 24, 2005

Well, after I audioblogged yesterday for the first time, I discovered I was really lazy. I really didn't get anything done yesterday at all. I ended up talking to some friends in a chat room and somehow the discussion ended up on sex toys. My friends were at one site, and posting links to toys they found to those in the chat room. Some of toys are just strange looking. I called the evening research, which is just amusing me to no ends really. I do write sex in my stories, so you never know when that site could become handy.

Speaking of chat rooms, today Yahoo! announced that it was closing down their user made chat rooms following a report that some use their chat rooms to exploit sex from minors. I had watched a movie just earlier this week about a woman that began to go into chat rooms online to crack down on pedophiles, so there is a problem, and I'm glad that Yahoo took this action to clean up their rooms, and hopefully bring them back in a format that keeps children safe. I was inspired by the news, and I wrote a short news editorial talking about chat rooms, blogging and children which you can find here if you're interested. Seems I'm no longer lazy because I wrote that up in not even ten minutes. Maybe I needed a day of goofing off to clear my head a little?

Yesterday in my blog hopping, I read several entries across many different blogs about the survey posted in the RWR about the definition of romance. Now, I'm not a member of the RWA or receive the RWR in the mail myself. I'm just going by what I'm reading across the main blogs including Sylvia Day's and Jaci Burton's.

The survey states the following:

A. The romantic relationship is between one man and one woman.

B. The romantic relationship is between two people.


In my opinion, the two choices limit so much for the writer in regards to the RWA. If the majority agrees with choice A, what about those like myself that write gay romance? What about lesbian romance? What about writer's that write about romance involving threesomes? There are so many things that are left out by their definition if you choose choice B, which is a little less limiting, what about vampires? Ghosts? Werewolves? Paranormals are just huge right now, and this definition just totally leaves them out.

The more and more I see of the RWA in regards to this situation, the more I just scratch my head. There is already an issue when it comes to that choose to go the e-publishing route to begin with when it comes to the RWA, and then you add on the fact that I write male/male, I'm not sure where in the RWA structure I would fit. The The Guild seems to be more accepting, but they are still very much in the beginning stages of their creation. I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens.

Also don't know when this happened, but blogger has apparently added the feature of letting you post pictures in your blogs, hosted free by them. Read more on that here.

78. A little bit different ...

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Yes, a little change of pace today. Lynn had been mentioning her audioblogger, and posted with it last night, so I decided to give it a try.

77. The terrible twos and writing ...

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Mood: content

Music: Nick Carter

So, first, the terrible twos. I know my kitten is only four months old, but we all know that cat to human years is off. I think I've read somewhere that a cat year is seven years to every human year, so the way I figure it my kitten is going through his terrible twos. What does this mean you ask? Well, this means when I go to bed at 4am, he keeps me up until 7am running around like a chicken without a head. He's done it the last few nights. I was hoping it was a one night deal. But it isn't. He's up and down, back and forth, and he has this thing with jumping on my feet if I move on the bed. So if I move in the slightest, and he sees it, then he pounces. He's actually scratched me a couple of times.

So this morning he kept me up until 7am, and I woke up at 11am. Four hours of sleep does not sit well with me, but I can't help the kitten. I just have to hope he grows out of it. He will with some time. I look down at my feet, and he is curled up by my chair on the floor as I type. Last night, he was reading the screen as I was typing. He sat on my desk, and watched. Then he does this cartwheel thing where he curls up into a ball and rolls over and over. That is his new trick. It's cute, but he tends to do it next to a wall, so this morning I was hearing ... THUMP ... THUMP ... That is what kept me up. He is lucky he's cute. I am telling you.

Since sleep wasn't happening, I went ahead and picked up my copy of On Writing. I'm about a third of the way through the book, and I'm still enjoying it. Well, at 530 in the morning, this small passage caught my eye, and made me think.

" ... none of them taught me the things I learned from Carrie White. The most important is that the writer's original perception of a character or characters may be as erroneous as the reader's. Running a close second was the realization that stopping a piece of work just because it's hard, either emotionally or imaginatively, is a bad idea. Sometimes you have to go on when you don't feel like it, and sometimes you're doing good work when it feels like all you're managing is to shovel shit from a sitting position."

So how many times have you stopped writing a WIP because it was just too hard to write? How many days have you just not written anything because that day itself was hard? Or you didn't want to write at all? I know in my mind I can't count the amount of times I've just not sat down to write because I have a headache or I am just not feeling in the mood. A writer pushes past that, or the very least tries too. I've heard it time and time again from more than one writer, but it never usually sticks.

For almost two years, I wrote hardly anything. I called it a writer's block. I just stopped writing, and I know if I had really put my mind to it could have written something. Even if it was just 100 words every day. I would have been writing something. The process would have been slow, but it would have been something. Then you write one hundred, and another hundred, and another ... pretty soon you're not just writing one hundred, but two hundred, then five hundred, and then a thousand. Some days you might go back to just one hundred, but still you know those words are a hundred you didn't have the day before.

Just late night, I had that problem. I just didn't feel like writing. Daniel and Kaelin were sitting silent in my head. I poked them with this stick I have handy, and they just looked at me and shrugged their shoulders. So I let them be for a bit. I typed up the passages I wrote for the Chicken Soup project, which I need to send it out later or tomorrow.

I went off and talked to some people. Came back around midnight, and just stared the two guys living in my head currently, and told them that one of them better give me something to work with before I screamed. So Kaelin jumped out for a bit, and he dragged Daniel along, and I wrote two hundred words. Yes, I know. It isn't a lot, but maybe I'll have another thousand word night like I had over the weekend. It's totally possible right? Right. The important thing is that I wrote, and sometimes that is enough.

76. A little bit of this, a little bit of that

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Mood: headachy

Music: Kelly Clarkson

To start off with, I changed the look of my blog just a little bit. I loved the sunflowers, but it was getting to be too bright for me on a daily basis. I liked the format, so I decided to play with the background instead. Which meant digging into the HTML and color codes and the like. So in the middle of the night last night, I spent about an hour looking for a background, and getting it to work on my blog. You see the result. Simple and calm. I like it.

Ever have one of those days where you're mind is just racing at a million miles an hour in every direction imaginable? Well, that was what happened to me yesterday. I knew early on that I wouldn't be able to get much done in the way of writing, so I just didn't push it. It didn't even feel like a Monday to me for some odd reason. I caught up with my friends, and watched television. Last night I happened to catch AFI's tribute to George Lucas, which I hadn't even realized was on. I sat down to watch that for the time it was on. My love for Star Wars movies is well known. I've talked about them enough here in my blog, and I wanted to see how the movies would be displayed.

Well, I'm sitting there and I watch Mark, Carrie, and Harrison do their own speeches, and then at the end the whole original main cast is on stage including the droids and Chewbacca, and the dork I am is getting all choked up because they are all right there. Twenty eight years later. Star Wars was the first film I remember seeing. I was only a year and a half when it came out, but somehow I remember it. My parents went to see it at the drive-in, and that is one of my very first memories as a child. I asked my mom if that is indeed where we saw it, and she said it was. She really couldn't believe I remembered. George is one of those amazing individuals that can create these worlds we can all lose ourselves in. They feel real to us. I can only hope to be able to do the same someday with my own creations.

Yesterday in my blog hopping, I saw a lot of blogs discussing the topic of condoms and their use in romance novels. I wanted to add my own thoughts to the discussion. In this world, where we have sexually transmitted diseases and AIDs, I think the use of a condom even in fiction is important. Or in the very least some type of discussion should be had. I see it as being responsible. This is probably because I do write gay fiction as well. I know it loses a bit of the fantasy, but in the world we live in today the reality is that these things do exist, and it isn't just to prevent pregnancy anymore.

This just in. I just noticed a new issue of Katy Terraga's newsletter for sex writers has just been released. I've been a subscriber of her newsletter for years, and I find it a valuable source of information for submission calls and articles. The newsletter hadn't appeared in my inbox in months, and I wondered if it would ever appear again. Well, it looks like the newsletter is making its way back. If you want to check the online version of the newsletter hop on over to here.

Seems I have another headache today. I'm starting to think it is because of the heat. My allergies have been wrecking havoc with me as well. Above 105 everyday for the next three months should definitely be fun! Gotta love living in Arizona.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

75. Some more blogging thoughts

Monday, June 20, 2005

Mood: contemplative

Music: Anna Nalick

Beth posted in her blog today about blogs and how authors that use them should be aware of what they write in their blogs, so as not to offend. I've heard the stories as we all have. People getting fired because of what they wrote in their journal or blog, comments made in one person's blog being discovered by friends or family and it causing problems. In one format or another I've had a blog for about four years now. Mostly of the locked variety. This is the first time I've kept my blog totally open for the public.

During the time I've had my journals, through various sites and usernames, I've seen the problems that journals can cause first hand. I've lost friendships because of statements I've made in my journal about the last election. I didn't even make a very powerful stance, but I offended someone I considered a friend, and our friendship deteriorated quite quickly. Things I've said my personal journal have caused anger among people I know. It's kind of sad that even who I had one listed as a friend caused problems. When one person doesn't like the other, they expect you to not like them either. Sometimes life on the journal sites remind me of a the worst version of high school.

When I started my blog, I was happy to not find the same existed out here in what I have begin to call blogland. I tell my friends about blogs I visit. If I find something funny, I have no problems sharing a link with them. I don't mind sharing my amusement when it comes to those blogs I find and read. I think having this blog has helped me see things in a different light when it came to journaling online.

Before my blog, I have no problem admitting I was a part of the high school mentality, but I knew I couldn't stay that way. I needed to grow up and move away from all of that. I've actually contemplated just closing my personal journal and keeping to just my blog. I write in here daily. I'm lucky to write something more than a one liner in my journal once a week, but I use that journal now to keep up with the people I have made friends with. No other reason. I feel more of a connection to my blog.

And yes, I try to remember when I do write in here that it is public and anyone can read it. I take what I've learned from previous experience, and I try not to repeat the same mistakes. When I sit down here to write in my blog daily, I'm not setting out to offend. This blog is more for me to share my writing experiences. I've found this blog invaluable because it has allowed me to meet other writer's as well. Since I began blogging using this blog back in March, I've written so much more than I had been in previous months. I look at my hit count, and I see it hitting near 2,000, and that just surprises me. I never thought people would want to follow me on this journey of mine, but they have.

A bit about that journey, I turned in my review for the week. I'm waiting to either hear from the editor or see it go live. Yesterday, I had the worst headache imaginable, but it finally went away around ten PM, so I was able to rough out my review, and I also wrote a couple of drabble like snippets for one of my projects this months. A Chicken Soup for the Soul submission call that deadlines soon. I hope to type those in, and send them off in a day or so.

Have a wonderful Monday everyone!

74. Happy Father's Day

Sunday, June 19, 2005

I want to start off by wishing the all the fathers and soon to be father's a very happy day. Even though in some time zones the day is already almost over. Today is not only Father's Day, but this year my brother's birthday also falls on this date. My father is in the next room with my brother at the moment watching the NBA Finals. He is nearly 80 years old, and I still live with him. I promised my mother when she passed on that I would watch over him. After her passing ten years ago, I had my father move out to Arizona where I was attending college, and we moved in together. Never imagined ten years later, we would still be living together, but that is how things ended up working out. My brother has also been living with us on and off over the last six years, and we've all just grown accustomed to it. I have my own space, and they have theirs.

My father is stubborn, and he thinks he really doesn't need anyone to look after him. He works full time, the 5am to 1pm shift, as a security guard. He just can't have days empty with nothing to do. The job gives him structure. Most mornings I'm still up when he gets up to go to work. Sometimes even when he leaves for the day. We have our squabbles, but every father and daughter does. He knows I write, and he knows what I write, but he doesn't totally get it. When he learned I wrote erotica, he immediately asked the question. "You write porn?" That led to a whole other conversation. The day he heard one of my friends ask about about the gay erotica I was working on, he just looked at me and laughed a little. That did not turn into a conversation. I think he would rather not know that his daughter writes about men having sex with men. Just knowing she wrote sex in her stories was enough.

He seems to be getting better about the writing though. As long as he sees some money come in, he leaves me alone. When I sell something, I tell him. Sometimes it doesn't register with him, but sometimes it does. He usually doesn't make mention of it until some time later on, but I think he just wants to see me do something with my life. If it isn't in some office working nine to five, then he wants to see my writing take off. I just don't think he gets how hard it is to get started in this business. It isn't one of those things that is going to just happen over night. He expects it too. It just doesn't work that way right? Although, it would be nice if it did.

Last night, Nonny caught me on Instant messenger while I was watching The Notebook, which is an excellent movie by the way, and invited me to join in a word war going on over at the Evolution board chat room. I finished the movie, jumped in a quick shower, and headed on over. I pulled out Crash into me, and I happened to get about 1,000 words out of me before my mind shut off for the night. That is the most I've written in one sitting in a while, and the scene was fun to write. I still have no idea where Crash into me is going. I don't have one idea how long it will end up being in the end. It just seems to keep going and going. Little details keep popping up. I had tried to set it at 4,000, and that won't work at all. The characters just keep exposing little parts of themselves to me.

Last night, Daniel threw out that he could read Kaelin's thoughts. Which I had no idea of before. I just went with it, and it should make for an interesting little twist. I created a topic for the story over in my writer's forum on the ERWF board last night, and this is the little blurb I wrote for the story: Set in Earth's future, Kaelin has come to Earth in order to look for a new home for the inhabitants of his world, but he ends up finding something else when he seeks shelter during an Acid rainstorm, Daniel. I think I just need to stop worrying about word counts and length, and just tell the story. I'm hoping to work some more on it tonight, but tonight is also Queer as Folk night, so I need to watch and review tonight's episode.

I'm also fighting off a migraine that came out of absolutely nowhere. If it isn't one thing, it is another lately it seems. Anyway, I'm off. The cake was just cut. Chocolate cake is my favorite!

73. Ramblings for a Saturday

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Today I woke up with the worst allergies. My whole head was stuffed up, and I was feeling just horrible. I'm starting to think the light cold I had the other week was actually allergies. I seem to be hit this sumer by them for unknown reason. I used to have them when I was back in school quite bad. Especially high school. It was then I developed some odd allergy to chalk. If I sat too close to the chalkboard, I'd start coughing and sneezing up a storm. Of course, I also had vision problems back then, so sitting up at the front of the room was necessary. When I moved to Arizona for college, the allergies left me behind, and I really hadn't them crop up until this summer. I drank a coffee, and it seems that has cleared them up a little bit.

I got nothing done writing wise last night. Absolutely nothing. I'm hoping that changes tonight. I have the ideas in my head. It is just the getting them out of my head and down onto the page that is difficult. I have some other ideas floating around my head as well. I might try to do some plotting character creating using one of the writing programs I downloaded last week. Maybe if I knew more about the story and where it was headed before I actually sat down to write, I'd get more done. It's a thought. It's good to know I'm not the only one that has thoughts on there slow progress.

The other night I took another look at Bloglines. It is a website based feed reader, and at first look I thought it was too complicated. Half the blogs I read on a regular basis weren't in the system, and I wondered if it could work for me. After emailing the service and hearing blogs not already in the system would be added if I subscribed to them, I decided to at least try out. Since I used Sharpreader, importing the blogs I read was easy. Just a matter of saving the export file from Sharpreader and importing that file into Bloglines. Within 24 hours, all the blogs I read were picked up, and the service even has a notifier to let you know when feeds you read are updated. So far, so good. I think I might like it better than Sharpreader, but it is too soon to tell. Anything that makes things easier, and cuts down on time is a good thing.

Have a Happy Saturday evening everyone.

72. Firsts ...

Friday, June 17, 2005

The first in question today is my kitten's first bath, which I gave him today. Honestly, I had been putting it off for a bit now because of experiences I've had with oldest cat while bathing him. He bites, claws, scratches, yowls, and just about everything else a cat does when they don't want to do something. I feared the same would happen with the kitten, but I just threw him in right now since he has developed this thing with staring at the bathtub. I'll just walk into the bathroom, and there he sits staring. Good news, my kitten is way different than my cat in temperament. He just sat there in the tub, let me pour water over him, and it was relatively painless for the both of us. Now he is running around the house trying to dry himself off. I gave him his treats for being so good in the bath, and I know next time he won't behave badly, so I won't put it off as long.

In other news, I had a productive night writing wise. I've been dealing with allergies all week, so I've been focusing on my nonfiction. I've been writing a paragraph or two every night in my one story, Crash into me, every night, but I hadn't typed in anything. I did that last night, and I am really happy with how story is going along. We have some sexual tension, more on the side of my alien for a moment. However, where I left off, the other half of the equation had a chance to show if he was at all interested, so I'll pick up there tonight.

Sometimes I feel I write my fiction so slow. I write at a snail's pace, where my nonfiction I can write an article in thirty minutes to an hour and just do some minor tweaking here and there. Misspelled words, missing words, awkward wording, etc. My fiction takes so much more out of me to write, and it was where I began writing. Creating stories and characters is what I love to do. maybe as time moves on, I'll get faster writing. I just seem to get so easily distracted too. That is something I am working on.

In today's mail, I received a copy of a book I'd heard much about. I had seen it available online, and since the book is out of print, the only way to read it is to find a used copy or read it on the website someone had set up for it once it went out of print. When it comes to writing books or articles, I tend to like to have the book or a print out in front of me so I can make notes, highlight passages when necessary. So I had been looking to see if a copy of this book popped up on Amazon, and this week it finally did so. So now I finally have Lars Eighner's "How to write and sell gay erotica." I've heard a lot of good things about it, and I hope to page through it later. I'm still reading "On Writing" too, and I'm enjoying that. The first half of the book reads like an autobiography, but not. Stephen knows how to tell a story, even if it is the story of his life this time around.

71. The image of romance

Thursday, June 16, 2005

In today's post over at Romancing the Blog, Tara Gelsomino discusses romance nove novels and the Romantic Times. It is a direct response to a post made a few days ago in Romancing the Blog. In Tara's post today, she discusses the image of romance and the image of the Romantic Times. Tara says that romance is seen as fluffy and silly, and that is why the magazine is seen that way. If we want that image to change, the books need to change.

I agree and disagree with that statement. I feel there will always be a market for the more traditional fluffy, silly, happily ever after type romances. I think readers are wanting more though, and the writer's are wanting to write more stories. different types of stories than the ones told in the past. The stories are getting hotter. Some are more based in reality. Instead of fluffy. Yes, there is a time for every type of story. Personally, I've read the fluffier stories in the past, but even my own tastes have changed. Five years ago, I went from reading only the fluffy and silly to reading gay fiction. Yes, that was a change. I still read romance, but now I also read gay romances as well.

Gay fiction tends to be more gritty, packs more of a punch, and yes it is gaining in popularity. I've seen more and more authors in the loops I'm on over on Yahoo! Groups say they write male/male in addition to their romance. Gay fiction is starting to sell more and more. Which I am glad to see. In my opinion, their is room for all kinds of romance stories. The basis for any romance story is the love between two people. It shouldn't really matter if it is between a man and a woman, two men, or two women. There will be readers for each of them and writer's that write each of them as well. Not everyone might like one or the other. Some don't like fluffy. Some don't like gritty. Some frown at the thought of reading about two men, while the reverse can also be said for someone reading about a man and a woman. It is all about personal preference.

I know so much is being said about the bad rap romance gets. What it does is make me think? If we stopped talking about the bad rap, write more, write books that go against what those that talk bad about the genre think of it, perhaps the outlook people have in regards to romance would change.

70. Feeling just a bit behind ...

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

So this afternoon, I opened my eyes, and I saw it was already passed one o'clock. I jumped out of bed because I hadn't slept that late in weeks. I'm usually up by 11am with my 4am bedtime. well, the night before I was up til 7am, so I didn't get all the sleep I needed. Probably explains why I overslept. Woke up to an email announcing the winners for the Desdmona flash contest I entered, and I wasn't one of them. Which is fine. I will try to find a market for the flasher. Maybe add another 100 words and try Clean Sheets Exotica again. We'll see.

Good news is I sold another review, an article reviewing Coldplay's latest CD, X & Y, was published yesterday, and the article is linked on my sidebar if you wanted to hop on over to read it. It was picked up the same editor that picks up my Queer as Folk column. I submitted another CD review last night, so I'll have to wait and see if that is picked up.

Last night was one of those strange nights. I did get some writing in. Not much, but some. I just need to finish typing in what I wrote the other day, and this new material. I am finding it a bit easier to write things first by hand, but I do miss the ease of just typing in new material. Maybe I'll divide between the two. I need to work on some other ideas as well. I was a bit distracted though because someone I hadn't talked to in months emailed me out of the blue. It was strange, but the conversation went well.

I submitted a short I wrote months ago to a e-zine. The submission call deadlined today. Nothing like the last minute. I submitted it though. I think submitting is my problem. I tend to hold off til the last minute, and sometimes don't even submit at all when it comes to my fiction. My nonfiction I just submit. I think its because more of my nonfiction has sold. I think once some more of my fiction sells I'll have more of a confidence with it.

69. The innocent one

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Last night was just one of those nights I could not get my mind to focus. I was hot, headachy, tired, and my mind just wouldn’t click into gear. When the person I role play my one storyline with signed on unexpectedly, I actually welcomed the distraction and lost myself in that for a few hours. Afterward, I tried writing a bit, and I got a page of what I had written out, and then I stopped. Hard to focus when you’re sneezing and feeling miserable.

As, I was getting ready to go to bed last night, I was listening to my Winamp, playing a quick game of Gin to relax my mind. The game is quite noisy. Cards shuffling and the like. Well, suddenly their is no sound. I investigate. Can find no reason. So I start to check the wiring, and low and behold someone had chewed threw the wire. Actually something might be more appropriate. My kitten, JJ. I've had him since he was six weeks, and he is about 4 months old now.

Looks innocent doesn't he? Not the type to chew through wires? Oh no, not him. That's what he likes you to think when he looks up at you with those cute little eyes, his head tilted just so.

"I'm innocent. You gotta believe me. Would I lie to you?"

So today I went out and picked up a set of new speakers, kitten proofed my wiring, and now I'm here trying to keep cool. It was 102 when we went out today. On the way back, also picked up the new Alanis Morissette CD, which I found out is exclusively at Starbucks for the next six weeks. I was surfing around last night when I discovered that little tidbit. The CD is really amazing. Yes, it is a remake of her Jagged little pill CD, but I love acoustic stuff. I loved when Bon Jovi did their own acoustic greatest hits CD a few years ago.

In my blog hopping today, I found two blog entries that discussed why people blog? One by Beth and the other by Sylvia Day. Both talked about their own reasons for blogging. Beth discussing the amount of time blogging and blog hopping takes each day. I honestly think more of my time would be taken if not for my Sharpreader. My handy little feed reader lets me knows when the blogs I read update and sends me the actual update. Makes it easier. Sometimes, I have no idea what to say. I try to make this blog at least a little interesting to read. I just love to write in my blog, read others, and comment when I have something to say. I love looking for new blogs to read as well. Not every blog I look at catches and keeps my attention, but I have quite a few I enjoy reading on a daily basis. It is my way of connecting with other writers like myself. Dinner sounds about ready, so I'm off. Have a wonderful night everyone.

68. I'm lost but I'm hopeful ...

Monday, June 13, 2005

Mood: hot

Music: Hand in my pocket - Alanis Morissette

I love Alanis Morisette. I have to make a mental note to pick up her latest CD, which is an acoustic version of her 1995 hit, Jagged little pill. I think it was 1995 anyway. I was a freshman in college that year. How time seems to fly. It certainly doesn't feel like ten years ago. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in front of the computer in a writer's chat over at Writers Chat when I had this urge to get up and go down to the pool for a quick swim. So I said my good-bye's and left the room to do just that. Sitting there in the pool, some thoughts came to me. I'm usually more of a homebody. I don't get out much. My days and nights are spent in front of this computer typing away on this or that. I have a lot of stories in the fire at the moment. I'm just not sure where to submit them all. I write the story, and then it sits there unless I have a market in mind when I write it. If I submit it there, and it is rejected, I'm left to think on where to submit next. Sometimes my stories can sit on my hard drive wasting away. I think that is why I tried to organize things the other night. Maybe it'll get the stories actually back out there. They aren't doing anything on my hard drive but sitting there.

Well, sitting there in the pool, the thought came to me that since I've begun writing by hand some, I can go off and write elsewhere for a bit during the day. About a half mile from my house there is a small park next to the elementary school. I worked at the school for a bit years ago. I figured I could find a table, spread out some stuff, turn on my walk man, and write for a bit. In the process, I'd be getting out of the house, getting some exercise with the walk, and hopefully get some work done. If not writing, I have an idea notebook, the latest writing book I'm reading or some articles to read.

Well, today I did just that. After turning in my review of last night's episode of Queer as Folk, I made my way out the door and down to this park. Began writing, and a man came up to me. On my way there, the news of the Michael Jackson verdict coming in broke, so the man wanted my opinion on that. We talked for a bit, and then he asked me what I was working on. I explained to him I was a writer, and he tells me he writes poetry, and sold a few of his poems. We struck up a conversation in the middle of the park. It was interesting, and I did get a page written. The weather is hot here. Above hundred temps everyday, so I figure a page was good enough. I packed up and left. I think I might end up doing this a couple of days a week, maybe three. I'll have to see how hot it is. No way I'm sitting outside in 117 heat.

To those interested in my review of this week's episode of Queer as Folk, you can find that here.

67. Ups, downs, movies and music

Sunday, June 12, 2005

First for the ups. I received the first check from my columns in the mail yesterday. I wasn't expecting it to come so quickly, but it was great to receive. Nothing like getting a check in the mail, holding it in your hand, and know it came because you wrote something, and the shared it with the world. Tonight is Queer as Folk night, so my next column will be up by Tuesday, and maybe sooner. Depends on when I turn it in and when the editor sees it. I routinely google my name, and it appears my column is syndicated across a few sites, which surprised me. I know my editor mentioned they owned twelve different sites. Some of the site names amuse me, but my column is on there and people are reading.

Now onto the downs, I received a rejection last night on article I submitted a month ago to Absolute Write. The editor had responded to the query so quickly (within an hour), I thought it would be a sure thing. A few weeks passed, and I hadn't heard, so I emailed to check if the article had ever even been received. Well, it had been, and I got the R. Now I need to find another place to try and submit an article talking about Blogging and writers. Anyone know of any newsletters or writer's e-zines that might be possible submission places?

Last night, I organized my current ready to submit stories for submission or re-submission. I have ten shorts, two out currently to the contests I submitted last month. I'm still waiting to hear back on those. I downloaded this submission tracker called Sonar, a few months ago, but I never used it. Too many programs to learn, so little time! Plus, there is so many programs that say they are for writers. Programs to help you plot, create characters, write your manuscripts, etc. So many of them don't really help. They can't really. The only that can write is you, and not some program. Sure for some, some programs might make it easier. If it works for you, then that is what matters.

Back to Sonar though. It's a cool little free ware thing, and I opened it up last night wanting to organize things a little. The program was fairly easy to use, and it had sections for everything you could possibly think of needing to keep track of. I had all my current submissionable pieces inputed in about 30 minutes. I didn't see a way to export or save the information in case the computer goes insane, but that is one small thing. You can print the list out, and re-input if necessary. Unless, I'm missing something.

On that site, you can also find yWriter, a novel writing program, which I haven't used yet. Right now, I'm using Rough Draft for my rough drafts, and then using Word to grammar, spell check, and put together the finished product. Seems to be working for me. When I sat down to write in here today, I didn't plan on going on and on about writing software. Any programs you like or use? I'll look at anything at least once!

Last night, I didn't get much writing done, other than the organization I did. So the night wasn't a complete waste. I did end up watching both movies on cable last night. I watched Tom and Jamie Foxx's Collateral. Good movie. Held my attention pretty much. It is so hard for me to sit down and watch an entire movie nowadays. I wasn't feeling Tom's blonde look very much though. The man is forever in my head a brunette. Bourne Supremacy was on later, and this movie made me yawn. I just couldn't stay focused on it. I kept looking away to do stuff on the computer. Matt Damon was the only good thing in the movie. He is the geeky hot boy. He isn't hot like a model, but he has this hotness about him.

After the movies were done, and I was working on things, I noticed one of my favorite bands had announced the release of their next album. The news came out Friday for Bon Jovi's next album. I've been a fan of Jon and the boys since 1986, when I picked up a single of one of their songs. I have all their albums, been to two concerts, and some friends jokingly call me Ms. Jovi. The man is married, has a family, a band, acts, owns an arena football team, and still looks amazing for a man in his forties. I love Bon Jovi's music, and I'm really excited about their next album, and its only June! Single out next month, so I'll have to patiently wait for that and the album in September.

Hope everyone has a great Sunday!

66. Cleaning house

Saturday, June 11, 2005

I don't know what it is every month or so I decide to clean around my desk. Sometimes my desk is hiding under various papers and other things that usually end up piling up since the last time I cleaned. Well, I ended up going for a complete re-organization today. I grabbed a box, and put a bunch of books from desk shelf and put them away. They were books I hadn't really looked at since I bought them in my college days. Books that were mostly collection of short stories I'd picked up to read. So I put those all in a box and then put that box in my closet. Next came these two crates I saw in my closet when putting the box away. I knew there was stuff in there, so I pulled those out, went through them, threw out things that I didn't need and put those back away.

While going through my crates I found some folders containing old stories I'd written in my teen years, and a folder with ideas I had typed out for future stories. I pulled this out and put in on my desk. I'll go through it in detail later, but I remembered some of them. Also found old manuscripts my best friend from high school had sent me to critique. We were each others first critique partners. she doesn't write much anymore that I know of, and I really wish she would. The manuscripts I saw today were good. Maybe I'll bug her about it later. I sent her an email touching base just before I began tackling cleaning.

I have to say I'm really happy the RWA graphical standards have somewhat been suspended for the time being. I'll keep an eye on what happens in the months to come, and then evaluate if I'll join there once some formal decisions are made. I'm also following the discussions about forming an association for Erotic Romance Authors as well. It seems they are a bit more open to authors and stories with alternative lifestyles, and that is something I really like. Also seem to be more open to e-published authors as well. Another good thing.

I didn't get any writing done last night. That will change today. I did start reading "On Writing." It doesn't read like any other book on writing that I've read in the past. Reads almost like a novel, and I'm enjoying it so far. I'm about 30 or so pages in. I'll probably read some more later on. All the lifting on boxes and crates killed my back. It should be better in a bit. Tonight is also a good movie night on cable. Tom Cruise and Matt Damon are both on. Speaking of Tom, I'm really excited to see War of the Worlds later on this month. Fantastic Four as well. War of the worlds looks really good. I've always been a fan of Tom, and Dakota Fanning is amazing for her age. I've watched her in a great number of movies, and she always seems to hold her own with the big name adults she works with. Plus, she is absolutely adorable.

A quick note from the ERWF:

Want the chance to win a $20 cash prize, *and* read a good book? Then why not pop along to Fiona's website for details of the free treasure-hunt competition she's running to coincide with the launch of her e-book from Torquere Press? 'One Degree of Separation' is a collection of eight poignant gay love stories featuring men from all walks of life - journalists and gypsies, humans, vampires and aliens, even a prisoner or two - all of whom have fallen in love.

All you need to do is answer the five simple questions on the site, email your answers to Fiona by 15 June 2005 and all correct entries received by that date will be entered into a prize draw, the winner to receive a $20 cash prize!

Of course there's always a catch and in this case you need to have read the book before you can answer the questions. But as it's available from Torquere Press for only $4.95, and as it's a really great read, that doesn't seem like too much of a hardship!

Have a wonderful Saturday everyone!