294. Writing and changing

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Changes continue to pop up. With any person, there is good days and bad days. There are fast months and slow months. The month of April has been a slow month for me, but not totally unproductive. I've been writing, but not writing the things I should be writing. Typing that feels weird because any type of writing should be good writing. As long as you are expressing yourself using words it should help you grow as a writer. I read something today on Jennifer Sando's blog, and it made me think:

There’s a difference between writing for a living and writing for life. If you write for a living, you make enormous compromises, and you might not be able to uncompromise yourself. If you write for life, you’ll work hard; you’ll do what’s honest, not what pays. - Toni Morrison

I'm not really making much for my writing. Not yet. Hopefully someday, but right now I'm content at what I am writing. I right a mix of nonfiction, fiction, and some roleplay type writing, but all of it is writing. Writing is in my blood, my mind, and it is by all means the activity that makes me the most happiest. When I'm not doing one type of writing, I find myself doing another. My work related writing comes above all because it is what pays me, even if the pay isn't the most. I love writing about television, and a year ago when I started doing it, I never imagined I would love it like I do now. Yes, I have nights where I wish I could leave the television off, but those nights aren't many. I do find myself leaving the television off on the nights I can now because sometimes blessed silence is needed.

I know I need to get back on track with the fiction, but every time I do try to sit down and put words down, the words just aren't there right now. Maybe I'm reenergizing at the moment. The last couple of months, I worked really hard with my mentor on my one manuscript. We tore it apart, and then put it back together again. I also finished it, and it was about 75% done when we started. Now I need to read it through and send it off. My mind is a blank at what to tackle next fiction wise. Nothing is jumping out at me plot wise at the moment.

On an unrelated note, but actually the reason why I came to my blog today, do you ever notice that things you used to love and enjoy just don't feel the same anymore? Perhaps a certain author or musician you used to love just doesn't do anything for you anymore. i used to love a certain type of music, and now it just does nothing for me. Is that a sign of change, maturing and growth? Or is it just simply a matter of not liking something anymore? Something happened to me this week like this, and it kind of surprised me. i heard a song that was leaked from what used to be one of my favorite artists, and I didn't get the least bit excited about it. Normally I would have. Times are changing. Perhaps!

In any case, I hope you're all well. I have some things to do before my nightly shows come on. Don't forget to check out my Blog of The Week!

293. Half empty or half full?

Sunday, April 23, 2006

When you look at a glass, is it half empty or half full? Are you more positive or negative? Now I'm not saying you have to be one or the other all the time. We all have our days where our moods just aren't the best. Sometimes something happens that just ruins our moods and puts us off course. That's fine. It is going to happen. I mean when someone always seems to look at things and life in general as the most negative. Nothing is ever positive. No matter what the situation. Instead of looking for the bright side of something, they point out the negative.

I've done this in the past myself, so I really don't have any room to talk about it much. I realized it wasn't healthy in time though. If you always look at things negatively, life won't be as good as it can be. I sometimes look at the people around me, and I wonder how they could look at life as they do. They have their reasons for it, and I won't say they aren't entitled, but life can be good you know? Life can be as good as only you can make it. If you're content to sit and wallow in whatever negativity is around you then so be it, but I know I personally won't do it anymore.

I guess I've personally closed off a lot lately from a lot of people. I wasn't as happy as I could be, so I worked towards making myself happy. I'm the type that believes only you can really create happiness in your life. Others can help, but some are the way that no matter what happiness in life is presented to them they still aren't happy. I find myself wanting to distance myself even more, or perhaps I'm noticing the distancing others have from me. You know when you can sense something is off, so in turn you back away as well. That's what I feel like doing, and in fact I've already done so.

I'm not the same person I always was. A year ago, I was the type to always look for the negative in life, and now I look for the good in life. If something isn't making me happy, then I fix it. If that means leaving it behind then so be it. I think when I started focusing on my writing more, it changed a lot of things. Now I only need to work on balancing my work related writing with my fiction writing. I know the next few weeks with the end of the television season will be busy. Things have been a bit slow the last couple of weeks, but that will change some this week with two of the shows I review returning. Once the end of May arrives, I'll take some time to focus on my fiction while covering only a few summer shows on my review site.

Right now, my main focus is American Idol. The show is hot right now, and as things continue on til its end, things will only heat up more. I cover American Idol on both my review site and news blog, but let me ask this really quickly here too. Those of you out there watching and reading here: who is your favorite on American Idol in the top six? For me, I like Chris Daughtry and Katharine McPhee the most. I think they have what it takes to make it to the top three. Hopefully, they do.

I haven't been working as much on my fiction this month, but I'm really hoping to change that soon. I've had my allergies kicking up something awful, and with the heat rising I've been getting headaches again. I'm keeping up with my work related writing because you have to keep to deadlines and schedules, but my fiction is suffering. I don't really have much of a schedule there. I thought about setting one, but that doesn't seem to work for me. Anyway, I think I've written in here long enough today! Check out my new Blog of the Week, Southern Expressions, the blog of a southern writer just starting her writing path. Make sure you to stop by and check out Andrea's blog!

292. The Best Laid Plans ...

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Well my goal for Monday was to start on some things. I wanted to do another read through on my current work in progress, and then move onto my new one. Well, shortly after I posted on Sunday, I got sick. I'm not sure how it came on, but I caught a cold. Good thing my family celebrated Easter on Saturday right?

I'm on the mend now, but I'm still not feeling the best yet. Yesterday was the worst of it. I couldn't even think about eating. So I have to adjust my schedule a bit. I'm still pushing forward with my other blogs, but my fiction will have to wait just a couple of more days while I try to find my brain and creativity.

I hope all of you had a Happy Easter. Saturday was spent with friends that stopped by. We still have leftovers in the fridge. I haven't even touched the Easter candy that was given to me yet because I got sick.

Don't forget to check out my Blog of the Week on my sidebar! I'll be choosing a new one by the end of the week.

291. Happy Easter

Sunday, April 16, 2006

As Karen said in her comment earlier, another week slips away.  This week has been one of those crazy ones, and I did the bare minimal I had to in order to keep things going. My two other blogs need updates almost daily. Although my review site is slowing down some because the television season is almost done for the year, I still have things to do. I'll pick a few of the summer shows to review, but it won't be nearly as busy as it is for me during the year.

The temperatures here in Arizona zoomed up to past 90 and nearing 100 this week. This usually doesn't bother me at all, but when you live in a building that controls when you're air conditioning and heat go on, then you have a problem. When I called back on Monday, they told me it wouldn't turn on until this coming Monday.

As soon as I heard that, I knew this week would be one to just get through. It's hard to do much of anything when you're hot. You can't think much. It is hard to sleep. It's hard to concentrate. It was pretty unbearable for the most of the week. I told myself once things cooled off, and I was able to do things without complaining about how hot I was every ten minutes, I'd start to get more things done.

I half a list of things I want to get back to regularly. I want to get back to blogging here more. Perhaps not everyday but a few times a week at least. I actually have had ideas for blog entries, or things I wanted to say in here, but my mind just hasn't been clicking all that well lately. I also want to get my current work in progress out the door to some places and submitted. I wanted to do that this week, but I wanted to give it another read through for edits before I sent it off.

I also have an idea for Phaze's latest contest. It is a departure from gay erotic romance I'm currently writing. It is back to the good old male and female meet and fall in love, having some hot sex along the way. I haven't done well in writing those type stories in awhile, and I might end up switching my head to a male/male if I can't manage it, but I'm up for at least trying to see how it goes.

I thought of the idea for it this week. I had a manuscript that I started and went nowhere that I might try pulling out and re-working it. If not, I can start from page one with my characters because they story's plot fits the Latin angle Phaze wants this time around. So in a way, I did get some done this week. I just need to focus now.

The good news is the air conditioning was switched on early. It came on Friday, which was a welcome Easter surprise. It is supposed to be hitting the 90's again this week, so it is definitely nice to have our air working. I knew this weekend would be a bust because of the holiday. I had family come in yesterday to spend the weekend with us. We actually celebrated Easter last night with dinner. So I'm not sure what we're doing today. We have a lot of leftovers!

I feel bad this blog has slipped a little, but it is just hard to find the time to get everything in when I'm doing so many things. I'm going to work at getting better because I have the time to do it, and I have the ideas to write about it in here. It is just a matter of doing it.

To everyone that comes across this blog, I want to wish all those that celebrate a Happy Easter. I hope you have a wonderful day spent with family and friends. While you're here, check out my all-new Blog of the Week, Saturday Night at the Movies. This is the blog of Lee, and he writes a great deal more than just about movies. Hop on over there to take a look at his site!

290. Where did the week go?

Saturday, April 08, 2006

I'm not sure how time moves by so quickly, but it does. It doesn't feel like I last updated in this blog on Monday. Here it is already Saturday night, and a new week is about to begin. I'm keeping busy as always, and it seems summer is already starting, even though for most its only Spring. It was pushing ninety today. It is supposed to do that again tomorrow. Some nights this week I was unable to sleep because the heat, even in the middle of the night, is so unbearable.

Most of my writing this week has been worked related. I did write the finale scene back on Monday like I wanted, and then I had my former mentor look at it. The Divas mentor program is now over, but we plan to keep working together beyond it. She's been wonderful, and I really did learn a lot from her in the short time we were able to work together.

Now all I need to do is go through the manuscript and submit it off. I submitted this story before in an early form, and it was quickly rejected. I've done a lot to the story since then. It's doubled in size and it went from a straight erotica piece to an erotica romance story.

I guess I'm a bit nervous to throw the story back out there. I worry it'll only get rejected again, and I've spent so much time working on this story. Most of my time is devoted to my entertainment writing that what little time I've had for fiction writing has gone into this story. I know I need to resubmit it, and I know it is a much better story than what I had originally. Every writer fears rejection.

I think most of my stalling on this project now is the whole what to do next? Once this project is out the door so to speak, I need to pick something else to work on. Is that one of my other works in progress or is it something entirely new? I know of at least two contests that grab my interest. Both are relatively short pieces and one of them has a due date of June that is certainly workable. I'd need something new though because nothing I have in the works currently will fit.

So I need to figure out what's next, so I can work towards it. Sounds easy right? Sounds like a plan in any case. I have a new Blog of the Week, Ripple Me This. Click here or on my sidebar to read the thoughts of Michael.

289. And its Monday already?

Monday, April 03, 2006

Another week begins, and the month began over the weekend. Spring is here, but I know summer is not far behind, especially here in Arizona. Its already been hitting over eighty here for days now, and some days it is just completely miserable. Living in a building that controls the time that the air conditioning and heating turns on every year certainly makes it for a few miserable days at the beginning of the hot and cold seasons. It has made me a bit restless really.

Things seem to keep changing around me as well, and it is a bit unsettling. Words seem to flow from the fingertips and mouths of others, and that is all they feel like really. Just words without no meaning behind them. Some do, and those are the words that I latch onto. The ones that I know don't come easy to say. Others seem to throw around words of love and friendship so damned easily, and after awhile you wonder if those words are really coming from the heart or if they are just so easy to say by now that you wonder if they are based on anything real.

I know I'm tired of hearing or seeing the words that don't really mean a thing. They are just words. It kind of reminds me of that line from that Rob Thomas song, Lonely No More. "Words are only words. Can you show me something else?" Words don't mean much without the meaning behind them.

As a writer, we want our words to mean something even. We want our readers to feel something both during and after they read whatever words we put forth for them. If they don't feel anything at all, then we really haven't done our job. So words bear importance both when it comes to our writing and our personal lives. With our writing we want our writing to touch the hearts and minds of our reading, and in our personal lives, at least in mine, I want to feel the realness behind the words being spoken. If the feeling isn't there, it starts to show through eventually, but sometimes we hold onto that hope that the words do mean what we want them to. Sometime though we need to stop believing and just let the words go.

On the writing front, I'm not sure what it is about Monday's lately, but that seems to be the only day of the week where I can find myself in the mindset to pull out one of my works in progress and write. The rest of the week is so busy and I have a set schedule almost. I know Tuesday through Thursday, I'll have things to watch and review on television. Fridays, my brain has usually turned to mush, especially since Wednesday and Thursday are my craziest nights. Saturday I have my two weekly features to prepare for my media village blog, and Sunday is usually known as a day of rest, so I take it. That is until Grey's Anatomy airs that night. all this on top of my standard news items appearing each day, once again on my media village blog.

It seems Monday is the only day of the week where I don't have much demanding of my time. I need to find another day though, and I need to find the time today to take out my work in progress and write this one last scene. I want to hopefully have it submitted by the end of this month. I'm also pondering other plots for other stories at the moment, but one thing at a time.

Also an update on the protest here at the school next door I mentioned in my last entry. Turns out the students were instead giving written warnings with suspensions forthcoming if anything else occurred. This was a much better solution. My Blog of the Week also had some thoughts on student protests following my last entry. Hop on over there to take a look. You'll have to scroll down a bit to find her entry, but why not take the time to look at some of her interesting entries the past few days.