392. Back to it

Monday, October 09, 2006

I know its been awhile since my last post. Life just seemed to get crazed for a bit, so I needed a break. I've been sick on and off for the last week too. The cold I had seems to have settled in my chest, but I'm feeling a lot better than I did last week. A lot has changed in my life since August rolled around. Things have changed. People in my life has once again changed. I've never said I'm the best of people to be friends with. I think as a writer I do better living in the worlds in my head than in the real world. I can get so wrapped up in the stories and characters that I write about. Perhaps that is why I am so good at writing when I just allow myself to let everything go and write. I lose myself in the story.

I've made some decisions in the last couple of weeks. Decisions I now know we're the right ones. I wasn't sure of that at the time I made them, but with a little bit of time and distance I know I made the right ones. I let someone go that I had been friends with for years. Things had just completely and totally changed between us in the last few months. The same connection that was always there between us just wasn't. It had disappeared, and I could just tell the two of us were walking along separate paths now.

Those paths seemed to only be taking us further and further apart. Not many really understood why I ended up walking away, but it really wasn't for anyone to understand. I just knew something wasn't right anymore, and it was best to walk away where things were still a bit good than wait. However, it didn't work out that way. The other party didn't see any change in our friendship even though we barely talk now. Although once we began talking that tune changed some. It just turned ugly on their part when it didn't need to be.

The strange thing is when I walked away from one, someone else walked through the door. An old friend. We didn't end on the best of terms, but we began talking, and things seem to be going well. It always felt so natural with this person, but we seem to be the type to bounce back and forth with each other. We either love or hate each other. They said in order to hate each other, we had to love each other at one point. I think that is very true. We have this weird relationship that seems to only work if we have both parts to it. I'm feeling good about it this time though. Maybe it'll be different, and we won't end up clashing as much. I have my fingers crossed and I'm holding on a bit better this time. I don't have as many people in my life now, and I kind of like it that way.


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