280. Changes

Friday, March 03, 2006

First of all, I've changed the backdrop and colors on my blog here. I had been meaning to for the last couple of weeks now, but I just hadn't done it yet. I was actually pondering doing a complete overall to my blog's look, but I haven't really found a template that I like that someone else doesn't already use. I want to be a bit unique.

As I mentioned in my last blog post, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Things have been changing. As odd as it might sound, every few months or so I make these changes in my life because things change. People drift away, or I lose touch with them. It isn't because of any negative reason. Change just happens. It's a part of life.

This time around the change was sort of forced on me with the disappearance of my cat. The day it happened it was actually the day that would have been my mothers 68th birthday. I found it a bit odd he chose that day to run off, but he did. My cat was truly my best friend. I used to be with him almost 24/7, and I thought if I ever was to lose him for one reason or another it would destroy me.

A year ago, I was in much different frame of mind. I honestly thought there was a chance that I wouldn't be here. I didn't want to be on this planet anymore. I'm not sure what changed my outlook. I started this blog, and I got a kitten. You really can't be sad and depressed when you're taking care of a six-week-old bundle of energy. It's impossible really.

I thought if some major change was to come to pass, it might take me right back down into that well of despair I found myself last year. If any major change could do it, I thought it would be the loss of my cat Bobo.  Sure, it was hard to lose him, and I still hope he returns. However, by losing him I learned how much stronger a person I now was. I didn't break. I didn't shatter into a million pieces as I suspected I might. I'm dealing with it.

Seeing this strength in me that I didn't think I had made me think about my life. I'd been feeling everything was perfect except in one front.  No matter what I did I knew I wouldn't be totally happy by not changing things on this one front. I know I might not be the easiest of people to get along with. When it comes to my friends, I want people to be there that I know think of me more than just this person they know through so and so.

Friendship is one those things that I've noticed changes all the time too. I don't know why it does. People drift apart and then come together. People sometimes totally drift apart. Sometimes one changes and the other stays the same. When that happens, sometimes the friendship just ends.  It's hard when you try to talk to someone and nothing clicks anymore. Their interests are no longer your own. It's all a part of life though.

I've spent a lot of time on my own lately. I've spent my time writing, and in some of my downtime I've returned to a hobby I used to once enjoy a great deal. I found a way to make it new again, and I'm finding myself enjoying it again. This hobby is role-playing, the act of putting yourself into the mindset of a character and then portraying that person. I've done this for years, and I see it as another form of writing.  You talk to people as your character, and you don't who it is truly on the other side. You just know them as this character. I'm having fun though, and I'm not letting it interfere with my work or my writing. It's a nice little release at the end of the day.

This weekend and this month I know I need to tackle some more on my work in progress. I want to get it done, and then submitted somewhere. I need to do one thing at a time though. I'm trying to get back into blogging again. I need to be a better commenter too. I still read. I just went into my little shell for a bit. Hope you're all well. More soon.