282. Coming Clean

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I love when things go as planned. When you develop some kind of routine really. You know when things happen, and when you need to do something. I may not be the most organized of people. My room is a bit of a mess. Clothes more than anything because I keep everything. I have some clothes I've probably had since my high school days in my closet somewhere. I just don't throw much out. I guess that makes me a bit of a packrat.

When it comes to getting things done, I like to know my schedule. When I add responsibilities in my life, I even like to know when I'll have time to focus on those as well. I like to fit things in, and when I know something isn't going to work I can easily take it right back out. I know sometimes things can come in and screw up your schedule, so some flexibility is always good. My family always wonders how I get anything done with the messiness of my room. I just do.

I guess I do the same process when it comes to other areas of my life. If something isn't working and I know it isn't, I figure out how to make it work. I always hear the only one that can fix you is you. Before I used to depend on people to fix me, but they never really did the job. You're the only one that can pull yourself back up when you're spread on the ground.

Sometimes I've felt that I was on a train going in circles. It was moving, but it wasn't moving forward. The people around me were all sitting there on this train with me, and all I wanted to do was get off. I got off the train about a week ago. I knew things were making me unhappy, and I knew something needed to change.

My focus is on other things now. Things kept pulling me away, forcing my focus elsewhere. I knew that couldn't keep happening. I've said this before - in life sometimes you need to make the unpopular decision in order to find your own happiness, in order to get things done. Only you can make your life work. I guess it took me a bit longer to figure out what had to be done.