246. Where are you Christmas?

Saturday, December 17, 2005

I have been really slacking lately when it comes to this blog. I really can't blame it on the holidays either because I really haven't done much in the way of them yet this year. I haven't even sent out Christmas cards yet, and I know that is very bad with the way mail is this time of year. I'm just not much of a Christmas person.

We have lights up, but they are only up because we put them up five years ago, and they never were taken done. I was actually shocked they still worked. They stood dead there for a couple of minutes after I first plugged them in, and just as I was ready to pull the plug they began to blink.

There hasn't been any Christmas shopping here either. Our family isn't much into the gift-giving portion of the holiday either. Dad pretty much told me that the high speed Internet was my Christmas gift this year, and I have already received that. Even if the cable service did go out for over three hours today. No television and no Internet!

In any case, I'm not a scrooge. I love the holidays. I just don't do much in the way to celebrate them. I try to. Every year, the day after Thanksgiving comes, and I'm all excited with the prospect of Christmas to come, but as the days of December continue on, my Christmas spirit seems to dwindle more and more.

Now I'm at the point where it really doesn't feel like a holiday. Years ago, the holidays were so much different. That was before my mother passed on ten years ago. She made the holidays something special. We'd be shopping from the day after Christmas through Christmas Eve. The house would have a tree we decorated together as a family early on in the season.

We'd have a huge dinner on Christmas day with all of our family stuffed into our tiny apartment. She'd make plates for those in our building we managed she knew were alone on the holiday. She'd even make a plate of food and goodies for the homeless man that worked at the Laundromat across the street. She'd send my brother over with it to make sure he had a good meal on the holiday,

That was just her way. Every year we had a wonderful Christmas until she became ill, and then she did the best she could. She'd sit and watch me as I decorated the tree. She'd cook a smaller feast, and our shopping trips became not as frequent. The holidays just don't seem the same without her. I know it’s the same for my father because he just doesn't really try when it comes to the holiday. The dinner is even an afterthought. With her, everything was planned weeks in advance.

I'm not sure where all this is coming from. When I opened up my Word program to write this entry, I didn't have any of these thoughts immediately in mind to discuss, but they all just started spilling from my fingertips. A friend of mine wrote this entry in his own journal about Christmas and the holidays, and it just got me thinking. I only wish I had half the spirit about the holidays that he does. Maybe in time I will. Maybe I'll even find some for myself this Christmas season. The day itself is still a week away. Who knows? Anything can happen right?

Have a great night everyone.