389. Strange Changes

Monday, September 25, 2006

About five years ago, I made a friend, and she wrote slash fan fiction, which is basically gay erotica based on characters from television shows or real life persons thrown into situations you create for them. By that point, I was already watching Queer as Folk. Somehow my friends managed to talk me into trying to write a slash fiction story because I already written a few straight fiction stories. For the next two years, that was all I wrote, and then I decided to try and write original stories instead of just fan fiction. My fan fiction had done well, and I had readers. I just knew I wanted more than that. Up until about six months ago, I was writing gay erotica/romance pretty much exclusively. Then my muses dried up, and they are still getting back to work now.

However, for the first time in years my mind and my fiction has gone straight. Something which I never thought would happen. I have a few ideas on why, but I won't go into why here. I'm trying to switch gears mid-race it feels like though. All this time has been spent trying to write this one way, and now my mind is going in this entirely different direction. It's taking my mind a bit to catch up. Its strange though. I know writing more straight fiction would probably get me published easier. The market for gay fiction is still growing. You just never know how hard it is going from trying to get into the mindset of gay man to having that same man not be gay and actually straight. You learn to program your mind to write one way, and it is just not easy getting your mind out of that set you've had it all these years. I'm working on it though because I do have some ideas in my head. It is just the same problem as always - getting them out of my head and down on paper.

My fiction isn't the only thing that is changing. I see changes in other places as well. I'm drifting from some again, and this time I really so no hope of returning things to what they once were. I've been thinking a lot about past friendships, the ones I have lost and the ones that I still have. I'm not the best of friend material. I like being to myself too much. I like my writing, and if I could write all the time and not interact with another person I would probably be content. Some might say that is kind of crazy, but it is how things seem to work best for me. I've sort of had that the last couple of months with a role play story line I started. It's all about the writing and creating the story being played out with minimal interaction otherwise. Its kind of nice to just lose yourself in the story and the character. Plus, its fun too.

The last few nights I've actually taken it pretty easy. Not having to sit and recap and review the shows I watch actually has been refreshing. I've watched all my favorites. I loved Grey's Anatomy and Ghost Whisperer this week. ER probably had the best season opener they have had in a few years. Am I the only one wanting Abby and Luka to fail and Carter to return? Maybe that is just because I spent a little bit of time watching Carter/Abby fan videos on youtube this past week. Youtube is one of my latest addictions, and people seem to post so many fan videos on the site. I've watched some for some of my favorite shows, and some are really well done. I wouldn't have the patience to sit there and put one of those together.

Last night, I watched the premiere of Brothers and Sisters. It has been hyped all summer, and I could see why. I found myself crying at the end of the episode because it was just a powerful start to a show. I'm trying to wonder though if this show might end up being too much for viewers. Its vocal and out there. I know I liked this one episode more than Vanished all season. Tonight is the premiere of Heroes, and I'll be checking that out as well. I also got Six Degrees after Grey's Anatomy thanks to my trusty DVR, and I definitely see potential with that series as well. This week we have the return of even more shows and the premieres of others. I'm interested in checking out Ugly Betty, and I'm hyped for the return of Supernatural.

More soon, kids!