261. Marching to the beat of my own drum ...

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Jeez, I hate being sick. Good news, I am mostly better. Don't you hate those final days of a cold or flu where you just tired and getting out the last bit of the junk from the virus in your body? You need to get it all out of you somehow. I seem to sweating it out. The palms of my hands have been sweating all day, and it makes it hard to type, but typing is what I've been doing.

Things are definitely picking back up work wise, and I even sent an application for a company looking for resume writers to work from home. I've written a lot of resumes, and even had a bit of a side job doing them for other people in the past, so I'll wait to see if I hear back. Pay looked nice so that would help.

Entertainment and television stuff is speeding back. Tonight I have a review of an all-new episode of Supernatural over on my review site. Tomorrow night, Lost is back, and you have no idea how much I missed that show. Tomorrow's episode really looks great. Thursday night is a busy television night with a lot on, so I'll be busy trying to keep up with it all for my site.

Do you ever realize when you're sick how much you just lay there and think? Mind you some might be delirious thoughts because of fever, but I wasn't all that feverish when I was sick this time. I did think a lot though. I spent almost two entire days in bed, and it that is a lot of time for me to just lie there and do nothing. A lot is changing, and I feel it. This time the change isn't with those around me, but it is me. I'm becoming even more determined and focused on the tasks and goals I have in mind for me to complete.

I have a lot I want to do, and I see myself changing because of it. A lot of the same things I used to spend all my time doing don't bring the same joy as they once did. I don't mean the little things like watching television or listening to music. I thought by having to write about television I'd get burnt out on watching it, but I've always loved television. That hasn't changed really. Music is my other love. I can always listen to music, and have it improve my mood.

I think what's changing is how I interact with others mostly. When I got sick, I sort of drifted off to get better. I usually sign onto AIM to talk to my friends every day, and I just didn't when I was sick. At first it was odd, but then I kind of liked it. I liked the silence. I liked having my own thoughts to occupy my time with. I liked having to depend on myself for my own entertainment instead of waiting for that little IM box to open on my screen to entertain me.

Instant messaging can be so fun, but it can take so much time away from other things. I'm just so driven now. I'm focused on things, and all my friends say they love my determination, but what if that determination ends up meaning I'm not always around for them to talk to anymore. Will they still like my determination so much?

Next week is my birthday, and it is one of those scary numbered ones that everyone looks at and they start thinking about their lives and where they are at in it. I've been doing that the last couple of months, and I just find myself wanting to drift and do my own thing. Writers always seem to march to the beat of their own drum, and I'm really finding that to be more and more true as time passes.