268. Life rambles

Monday, January 23, 2006

Well, I'm still having those crazy dreams. The one the other night actually bordered on nightmarish with the end of the world as the theme. Somehow an asteroid hit the east coast, and I sat and watched as Washington D.C. and New York City were turned to rubble. I was on the other side of the country watching as the asteroid fell from the sky, and then hit. Some how an Oceanic airplane fit into the equation, so we even had my obsession with All Things Lost coming into play.

This weekend, I've been hard at work setting things up at my all-new forum. I'm really excited about things over at Media Village. I really see things moving in a positive direction, and I hope to work for the site for some time to come. I never imagined getting paid to talk about television and entertainment. Watching television is something I've always done. I'm an admitted television junkie. Some nights, the writing is a struggle. That is a part of any writer's life, but I push on and forward because I know it is what I have to do.

I haven't been all that happy on the personal front. Things are really going good writing wise. I guess with the New Year, I started thinking a lot about my life, the changes I've made in my own self, the changes in those around me, and the changes in life in general. Do you ever notice how much you've changed, and then you look at some in your life and they really haven't changed all that much? In fact, in some cases they are exactly the same person they were when you met them.

Then they seem to poke at you for stuff or show a total like of care for things. You hope it is just a temporary thing. We all go through rough patches you know? Life isn't always easy. If anyone knows that, it is me. Last year, I was in a totally different frame of mind than I am now. Last year at this time, I wasn't very happy at all, and I know I drove some of my friends batty. They don't have to tell me I did because I know it. They stuck by me though, and some continue to stick by me. Some even wonder why I still have some of the people in my life that I do now.

I don't give up on friendships easily. I'm one that definitely believes friendship is a two way street, and you get back what you put into it. However, if you see yourself being the only one putting in the effort, after awhile you really start to ask yourself if all the effort you put into things was really even worth it.

What's sad is that this doesn't apply to just one thing in my life. It seems to be an on-going theme, and it is really getting tiring for me. I'm to the point where I had it in some cases, but I know that if I make the attempt to approach the other party, it will only cause more harm than good. I've seen that happen in more case than one, and I've even seen it recently. I guess it is in my nature to not look for conflict. Instead I bite my lip, and I hope that things end up changing. They never do though do they? It's just frustrating.

I really liked this Meredith Grey voice over from last week's episode, and part of it applies to what is happening with me I think.

It's not a day on the calendar. Not a birthday, not a new year. It's an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally, it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories . . . What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap . . . are a few things worth holding on to.

I guess I'm looking and hoping for that new beginning, while also wondering if I held onto the wrong things.

Speaking of Grey's Anatomy, I have reviews of this week's episodes of Grey's Anatomy and The L Word check on my review site. I had planned to talk about my writing more this post, but I think I'll do that next time. I hope you're all well. Have a great night everyone.