80. Being the nice girl

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Mood: okay
Music: Tom Petty - Learning to fly

Today over on RTB, Beth is talking about nice girls, and it was kind of odd because it sort of went along with my thoughts today for my blog entry. Freaky, but yes I'm a nice girl. I've always been the nice girl, but in my mind nice girls have always finished last and not first. I know that isn't true, but in my mind I guess I'm more pessimistic than optimistic. That is something I'm trying to change because I know it is better to see the glass half full instead of half empty.

Do you ever feel like you're two people or at the very least two different personalities? Sometimes I do. One side of me is loud and giggly and says pretty much whatever she wants when she wants. The other side is quiet and all thinky. On one hand, I can be the biggest fan girl you'd ever meet. Things like Star Wars, the music and actors I love can make me ramble for hours upon hours. I have my favorites, and I have no problem discussing them til the cows come home some days. Very few people in my life can say they've seen both sides of me because I usually don't let people see both sides.

Sometimes in the past few months, I've wished I wasn't so nice. Do not ask me why because I'm sitting here trying to figure out the answer to that very question myself at the moment. I guess in the last two months or so, I've been looking a lot at my life. For almost two years, I didn't write a single thing. I had the worst writer's block you can imagine, but sometimes I wonder if I was just needing to get my head on straight. Back in November, I tried writing again, and the process was slow. It has been slow, but I'm seeing more positive results from my work. I'm not making a million dollars, but I'm working on it, and I'm moving forward.

Back to the not being so nice thing though. No matter what I seem to do, I'm always the nice girl. Everyone tells me that, and even when I want to yell and scream and curse out someone, I don't do it usually. If I do, I immediately feel bad for doing so. I guess I'm just the nice girl, and I should stop trying to change that. I'm nearly 30 years old, I'm not going to change who I am now I don't think.

When it comes to my romance, I even seem to write nice people. People you want to cheer on. In my gay romance, I even usually have one quiet shy male. I guess that would make him the Beta male. I've tried writing a strong female, and she just went to thinky on me too. I started this story a month or so ago with a strong executive female, and she just went on for pages and pages thinking in her head. I put that story aside for now. Although I think it would have gone somewhere. Maybe it just wasn't the right time to tell that certain story. I'm sure it will be someday.

In other news, has anyone seen Kaelin and Daniel? I think they ran off on me. I'm hoping to find them today.

Happy Saturday, everyone


Kate R said...

I was nice, careful not to be stepping on toes, until I hit about 38 and suddenly I WAS INVISIBLE. Completely. The funniest damn thing in the world. Some switch went off and people stopped seeing me. Middle aged women (white ones, anyway) must give off invisibility vibes. I've mentioned this to other women and they said they'd noticed it too.

So I figured hey, there must be an advantage to this somewhere, right? there is in that younger people will talk about the strangest things in front of me. And I decided to start speaking my mind. No one was listening so it was fine!

Kate R said...

pfah. Decided I might as well carry the diatribe over to my own blog...

Beth Ciotta said...

This was a really interesting post, Gina. I can relate. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. :)

Lynn Daniels said...

I used to be a person who was generally very nice and did my best to avoid confrontation, but that seems to have changed in recent years. Not that I'm not nice anymore, I usually am. Unless I'm pushed or rubbed the wrong way.

Like our recent trip to Disney World. I had the unfortunate displeasure of encountering a woman who, I think, believed everybody should do what she wanted the way she wanted. She was right and everybody else was wrong. We ended up having a bit of a confrontation, and although I wasn't particularly rude or crass, I did most certainly speak my mind. And it felt good.

I think my husband's cantankerous old fart-ness has been rubbing off on me. *g*

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