299. Moving Forward or standing still?

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Do you ever find yourself asking that very question? Are you moving forward or standing still? Earlier this week, I felt like I was moving forward. I was seeing progress. And, yes there is some, but I want to see more. I want to do more. I don’t feel like I’ve done nearly enough with my writing yet. I’m getting there, but instead of a race, it is a slow climb.

Shortly after I announced my new Blog of the Week, the blogger behind it commented me to thank me for choosing them and to tell me that my writing success was an inspiration. That also got me thinking too. I don’t feel like much of an inspiration. Sure, I’ve found some success, but I’m not earning enough income to support myself.

In fact, my monthly income isn’t all that much to get excited about, but I do because a year ago I wasn’t even making that much money at all. In fact, I really wasn’t making any. When I started writing about television shows for Blogcritics, I never imagined a year later, I’d have my own review site and I‘d be blogging for another site that actually paid me to talk about television. I never imagined that happening at all.

Watching television is something I’ve always done. I am one of those die-hard television fanatics, and now I’m sharing my love of television with others that share the same interest. However, I still want more. I still want to be able to say someday that I can support myself and live on my own with my writing income.

I want a place of my own. I want somewhere that if I want to walk naked around my apartment at noon everyday, I can. I want somewhere that I can blast my stereo and sing at the top of my lungs, I can. I don’t mind living with my family. My father is not as young as he used to be, so I know I need to cherish this time I do have with him, especially with mom gone going on eleven years now. I just want to be someplace that I can call my own.

I want everything I do to move towards that goal. Right now, I don’t feel like I’m doing that. There are days where I do, and then there are days that I don’t. My fiction writing seems to come and go. My muses are silent, but I have a submission out right now. I had hoped to put something together for Phaze’s latest contest, but after getting a basic idea in my head, I couldn’t get past a few paragraphs. I tried though. The words just aren’t there right now.

I know this coming week is going to be hectic with all the season finales. By the end of May, I should have a bit more time on my hands, and I really would like to do some more with my fiction. Maybe even find some other nonfiction as well. I know its one day a time, but I still don’t feel much forward progress though. Maybe because I’m in the inside, and the world out there sees me and what I’ve done differently. That could be it I suppose.

I want to take this moment to wish all the mother’s out there a Happy Mother’s Day. My own mother is gone, and usually this time of year I hate seeing all the ads and mentions of mother’s day, but this year it didn’t bother me as much. I’m a mom in my own way, if you count furkids. Perhaps time does help heal.