33. Thank you, Mom - Happy Mothers Day

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Mood: remembering

Music: Drowning - Backstreet boys

First off, a happy Mother's Day to all the mothers that read my blog. I know I have a few of them, and I hope you had a wonderful amazing day. I really hadn't intended to blog today, but I was hit by the need to do so earlier, and I'm just now getting the chance to do so now. Mother's Day usually isn't one of those holidays I enjoy. Along with a couple of other days that pop up throughout the year. My mother passed on ten years ago this coming July, and I still have my difficult moments. I'm not a mother myself yet, so I really have other reason to celebrate this holiday.

My mother was an amazing woman. She adopted me at the age of three months. Her and her husband. Technically, she was my grandmother, but I never saw her as such, and I didn't know the family history until a year or two following her passing. She had never intended me to know, but somehow I always knew. My mother adopted me because my parents were unable to properly care for me, and some things had happened to demonstrate that. In fact, I am fairly lucky to be sitting here typing this at the moment. I was about to be put in state custody, when my grandmother stepped in and adopted me. They were afraid I wouldn't survive, and my younger years were full of difficulties.

My mother stood by my side and raised me the best that she knew how. She wasn't perfect either, but I knew that she loved me. She stood by me and gave me encouragement. I think I mentioned in my blog in an earlier entry how she gave me a tape recorder when she figured out what I was doing during my play time. I wasn't just playing house. For a six year old, I was creating scenes and characters even then. She bought the tape recorder and tapes enough to keep me busy, a never ending supply of tapes popped up. when I began to actually be able to write these ideas down in story form at the age of ten, I had the pen and paper needed. when I wanted a typewriter in my teens, she made sure I had one, and the ink and paper needed for it always handy.

I'd spend hours at my type writer, just typing away. She never asked to see my stories. They were definitely not the best, but the fact is I was writing. One of them was this suspense story about a man that kidnapped three girls and locked them in his basement. I sadly have no idea where the manuscript is now, but I do have some character sketches around somewhere. I wrote and wrote that story. I wrote others as well, some fan fiction in nature.

When my mother passed on, she had been ill for many years. Since my pre-teens, she had suffered from one illness or another. It wasn't until my senior year of high school that I was told what her illness was, and that she probably wouldn't live much longer. She lasted until the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of high school. Losing my mother was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. I wasn't all that close to my father, and we're still working on things with us. I live with him, but sometimes I wonder if we're little more than acquaintances. My mother was my world. Her constant love and support are something I miss in my life, but I know she is still here. She still is supporting me and encouraging me, even if she isn't here. She gave me the courage I needed to reach for my dreams. It's just taken a bit longer for me to really go for it as I'm doing now.

I love you, mom. Thank you.