230. Finding our way ...

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Do you ever feel closed in, stifled, unhappy with the world around you? Something is wrong, but you can't really figure out exactly what it is no matter what you do or how long you think about it? You just know you're not happy, and you don't know how to fix it. Well, finally you figure it out, and you really can't fix it because that means doing something that is really impossible to do.  Then you try to figure out a way around it, a way to make things work. You try things, but you really don't find that all important key to happiness.

I've been in the state for the last few weeks. Things have been so unbearably busy with my writing lately, that some days I feel like I'm always doing something. I'm always busy. If it isn't writing, I'm promoting any way I can. Sometimes I feel I spend more time promoting my writing than actually doing it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, and it will never really happen. I won't make a go of this and be able to make a full time living from it someday. Doesn't have to be tomorrow, a month from now, a year from now or even five years from now. What I want to be able to see is a steady climb of progress with each day, week, month or year that passes.

I want to share my words with the world because it is only when I do that I am truly happy. When I can't write fully I'm not happy. The past couple of months my fiction writing has truly not been there, and that has made me unhappy. I love to write, and when I began writing it was in fiction. The nonfiction came later, and that was out of necessity to somehow make a living from the thing I love doing most in the world.

Since I decided to focus more on this blog rather than my other journal, I've felt like this weight of unhappiness has lifted off my shoulders, and I've felt a bit happier. I truly don't know how long it will last, but I want it to last. I want to write more fiction wise too. I need to get back into that. I've missed it.  I'm just learning you need to take things one day at a time. Things will happen. I'm just impatient!

I hope you're all well out there in blogland. Don't forget to check my Blog of the Week. I'll be choosing a new one on Monday night!