328. 4th of July

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

I'm not a real huge fan of the Fourth of July. It used to be one of my favorite holidays as a child too, but now it is day I wish I could sleep away or spend in blissful ignorance. If only it were that easy. Mother's day was easier this year, but it is funny how something you watch on television can bring back sad memories. That's what happened this week. On one of the soap operas I watch there is a storyline where one of the characters is dying. She's in the hospital breathing her last breaths, she has an infant son, and she is about to be married. There is no hope for her survival, and today it was the fourth of July on the show just like it is here in our time.

It just hit a little bit too close to home because eleven years ago, my mother was the one in that bed breathing her last breaths as her family surrounding her bed, with many more waiting outside in the hall. she took that last breath at exactly 2:42pm. I checked the clock. It may sound morbid, that I know she died exactly 2:42pm on Tuesday, July 4th, 1995. I do though. I remember the last time I spoke to her too. Some day time heals all wounds, but I think there are some that just don't ever truly heal. My mother was the most important person in my life, and I still miss her.

I am trying not to dwell. I'm doing some fun things today. I went out swimming earlier, and I've been talking to people on and off throughout the day. Sometimes something reminds me of her though, and it hurts just a little. The story line on the soap opera brought it all back though. It even made me cry. Tonight, I'll be watching fireworks on television. I want to wish all those celebrating today a very happy and safe 4th.