343. I believe ...

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Three posts in one day. Since when has that ever happened? I've had a bit of mind shift the last day or so. This week I wasn't feeling my best, and I was grouchy. Not in a good place, but hey it always passes. Sometimes you're not going to be in the best of moods. I've been listening to a lot of different music lately. If the television isn't on, my headphones usually are. At this rate, I'll probably go deaf by the time I reach sixty. The mood shift has been good though. I'm constantly changing and making changes in my life. Some don't always notice it though because I'm quiet about it. Sometimes the change is already done, and no one had any idea it was even about to happen. Maybe this makes me a confusing person to know. I prefer complicated though.

I don't have many friends now. At least not the type I come online and talk to every day. I keep to myself a lot. I'm always busy. If not writing, I'm working on promotion for my sites. Honestly, more about writing is promotion than actual writing. I've learned this with my nonfiction in recent months, but I have a system in place, and it seems to be working pretty well for me. I may not have many friends around me online, but that doesn't mean I'm out looking for them either. I'm one of those weird folks that prefers my own company rather than the company of others. I've always been that way though. Too many people around me, and I find myself getting uncomfortable.

It reminds of this lyric from this song off a CD I just popped in a few moments ago, Savage Garden's Affirmation. Actually there is two lyrics that jump out at me in this song.

"I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone."
"I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands"
When it is just me and my wild mind running, I sometimes find myself the happiest ever. I don't need to look for someone else to make me happy because I'm already there in that feeling. I don't need huge declarations of love and affection because those are just pretty words, and I think actions speak much louder than those pretty words that fall so easily from someone's lips or their fingertips. When someone is always saying how much they love you, you start to wonder how true the words are. Is there true emotion behind those words being said? Sometimes you don't want to hear the words, but you want to see just a little bit of action.

I've had many friends come and go in my life. Sometimes they keep going and sometimes they come back. You never really know just what is going to happen between you and another person. Sometimes they are put in your life for a reason, and then removed from your life once that reason is no longer viable. Things change, and life is in constant motion. I have a couple of friends that have been in my life for years now. I don't call them just friends. They are family.

One I talk to almost every day, and if we don't somehow connect one day I notice it. She doesn't live in the same country as I do, but she's family, and I think she is one of those people that saved me in my life. She didn't do it with pretty words and declarations of love. That isn't her style. She did it by being there, and she's one of my best friends.

The other I haven't talked as much lately, but I think she understands me better than most people true. She's the yin to my yang. We're opposites, and sometimes she pisses me off to no ends, but in the end she's my twin and my best friend. I kind of miss her, but I know she gets how I am sometimes. Sometimes you need just yourself and your own thoughts and then you can find a little help from your friends.


veracity said...

Sometimes I'd much rather be on my own too.

Being with too many people can leave me drained. I don't know why. Too many demanding pesonalities perhaps. Too many voices and opinions. Too many me's and I's...

Sometimes, it's because I just want to hear the sound of my own voice...

Dance Chica said...

I can certainly relate to what you said about minding your own company. Perhaps you're an introvert? We tend to prefer our own company. When I'm around lots of people, I often feel like I'm putting on a show and then afterwards, I too, feel drained. But the blogoshere has helped me meet a like of likeminded people and for that I'm grateful. :)

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